Russian Soul
by Elena Levon
I’m a hot-blooded, métis woman of uncertain age.
Who is a nomadic, chaotic and at times dysfunctional home, to a fragile, Russian Soul ~ Full of flaws, absurdities, contradictions, insecurities and vulnerability. Brave, honest, compassionate and all or nothing. Often disagreeable, sometimes selfish and incredibly stubborn. But above all, it’s a soul that will never have a price and the one, a Foreigner will never fully understand.
In my opinion, the above paragraph summarizes The Great Russian Soul to a T. However, being Russian, myself, I would like to take you on a little journey…
A journey, into the core of this mysterious soul. One, that often hides, behind the curtains of obvious …
My heart was racing and my hands were trembling. I was sitting in my chair on a plane, looking out the window… Haven’t touched Russian soil in a very long time… I was a mess. A young guy sitting in the next row, saw the state I was in.
He came over and crashed in the empty seat next to me. Him; “So how long has it been?” Me; ” 9 years , You? “. Three years, was he’s answer. He gave me a hug and without a single word, pulled out a little bottle of Vodka, that he bought in Denmark and handed it to me… without a single word, I emptied half of it.
In USA this guy would be sued for sexual harassment by a woman, then, for drinking your own bottle of alcohol on a plane, by the airline company and I would probably be sent to rehab. However, when flight attendant passed by, this guy pointed in my direction and said “she hasn’t been home in 9 years”, the flight attendant smiled and walked away. This lad, also helped me carry my bags all the way to the arrivals area…
When I came out, the face of my friend Julia lit up and we run to each other, forgetting about bags, this guy and everything else…
9 years… like they never happened and at the same time, it felt much longer then 9 years. When I left in 2003 I was leaving from the same airport as a 19 year-old girl with 1 suitcase, 1000$ and a whole lot of dreams. But this airport was just a grey box back then… Now, it has countless terminals and had been completely renovated… Los Angeles airport is a total mess, compared to this high-tech giant. At that moment, I knew, I came back to a different country… different, but the same.
Welcome to Russia ~ the land of extremes.
My dear Jules greeted me with champagne and roses. My stomach was full of butterflies. She opened the bottle and we drunk it right there, on the street.
~
“The most basic, most rudimentary spiritual need of the Russian people is the need for suffering, ever-present and unquenchable, everywhere and in everything” ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky
~
Dostoevsky is right. Russia was founded in 862. Russian people have had so much trauma, turbulence and tragedies happen to them in all this time, that suffering became the norm, it became a part of their soul. It’s a part of our culture. You see suffering in films, literature, music, art and on rough stages of Russian Theatres.
If you go to see a Russian play, you will witness how unconditionally, an actor, will leave his whole heart and soul on that very stage. “If you ever need my life, come take it.” – The Seagull, by Anton Pavlovich Chekhov
I’m showing with my hands how big and open the Russian soul is, by the Monument dedicated to Anton Pavlovish Chekhov.
We give everything we have to those we love and then more. Can one die for their love or because of it? Yes.
“And death, as the sole means of reviving love for herself in his heart, of punishing him, and of gaining the victory in that contest which an evil spirit in her heart was waging against him, presented itself clearly and vividly to her” – Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy
“To love as the Russian soul loves, is to love not with the mind or anything else, but with all that God has given, all that is within you.” – Taras Bulba, by Nikolai Gogol
The reason Russian Ballet dancers are considered the best in the world, is not because we have the best technique, although that’s important too. As an ex ballerina, I can tell you, that the reason why you can never forget the performance of a Russian Ballet, is because they dance with their soul… not with their feet.
Last year, I went to see a stage debut performance of the most famous ballet icon – Mikhail Baryshnikov. “In Paris” is a wonderful play. But what I remember most, is how Baryshnikov lived on that stage for that hour or so. He didn’t “act”, he lived. Baryshnikov is 65 and he still gives his all. When Baryshnikov danced at the end of the play, as a way of showing “the swan song” of his character, you didn’t notice any moves, you saw his soul. He let it live there and for just one moment, die, right in front of you. I had tears in my eyes.
Of course a true Russian, wouldn’t mind dancing on empty dance-floor to an American song either… In fact, we love it!…
When I mentioned, that I really miss The Russian Soul and that it’s one-of-kind, a couple of Mr. Bond’s Danish friends got pretty upset one night, when we all had dinner. I said that no other country has that kind of a soul. “But hey, we are also soulful! we have a soul! So don’t say that!” they objected. And that is true, agree with them. By no means did I say, that other cultures don’t have a soul. What I was trying to explain is that, in no other country in the world, does soul has such a big impact on a culture as a whole.
Have you ever heard “American soul”? Or “The Great Danish Soul” ?? However, “Russian Soul” even has its own Wikipedia page, just like the “American dream” does.
But what about the drinking? and Vodka? You guys are drunks!
And I am proud to say “Yes we are!”
We celebrate LIFE in all it’s forms! We drink when we are sad and we drink when we are happy! We sing when we go to war and cry when we go to a wedding.
Every year Russians have corporate parties before New Years. Corporate parties are thrown by companies you work for. They are famous for a lot of booze and total absence of common sense, political correctness and modesty. I went to one of those parties for the first time in my life. My gym company I belonged to, while I lived in Moscow for 3 months invited me… I became friends with great people, danced, drunk and came back home at 8 in the morning…
We also laugh in the face of so-called “The end of the world”. We dance, drink and toast to the predicted doom, like it really is our last day.
After living in 8 countries and visiting close to 30, I’m yet to witness this scenario in some other country -
It was an Orthodox Christmas Eve (night of 6th of January is the Christmas eve and 7th of January is the Christmas Day in Russia) Mr. Bond (who visited me in Moscow) and I were walking towards the Red Square for some ice skating. We were approached by a married couple. They offered to have a shot of Cognac with them right then and there.
Since it was Christmas eve and they thought I was very cool, they pulled out two extra shot glasses. Huh? right here, on a street, in front of police station?
Yep! They had everything with them. Well Mr. Bond was still recovering from the visit to my family and how my brother got him completely wasted. Mr. Bond was in shock. But, hey, It’s Normal, It’s Russia!! Mind you, the couple we are talking about is in their 40′s…
They were exited to find out that they were drinking with a Russian and an American. This chick and I jumped up and down, like we’re kids. If you would have seen us, you’d probably say that we were longtime friends, who haven’t seen each other in years.
Mr. Bond downed the whole shot glass thinking it was vodka or something, the couple got exited that American was drinking like a pro, they poured him another shot. I think Mr. Bond is still recovering from his trip to Moscow. However, I miss those kind of “only in Moscow” moments.
It’s also normal to send or give flowers to the one you love. Buying flowers and gifts is a huge part of our everyday life. We don’t come to your home or a date, empty-handed. That’s a bad tone. (well there are some exceptions of course, but they are, thankfully, in minority) We also hug more, than we shake hands. Shaking hands is strictly for business meetings. Russian people hug, kiss, laugh and cry with their whole soul.
Don’t ask a Russian person “so, what do ya do for living?!” when you first meet them.. you might hear them say “that’s none of your business” ..
Although I prefer to answer to this stupid question in a different manner “I LIVE”…
Also, don’t ask, “so how r u?” and expect us to lie and always say “oh, I’m great! you?”, when we actually feel like shit. We don’t always smile in a metro like idiots, yes, the faces sometimes are very sad… but do you remember that “need of suffering” that I wrote about in the beginning?
But if you get sprayed by the nearby snow machine and you happen to stand in the middle of the street, covered from head to toe in dirty snow, a total stranger, will hand you his only handkerchief. – (true story, happened to Mr. Bond)
We laugh in the face of fear ~ We were smart enough to know, that French would never survive the cold Russian winter back in 1812. Napoleon demanded the “keys” of Moscow and we lure his army into the coldest of the coldest places. What Napoleon underestimated, was the fact, that we had a Russian Soul and a lot of vodka. He had a croissant. Russians rather see their whole damn city in flames, than giving it up to a guy with a big ego and not enough vodka.
In Russia, your friends have your back and your enemy, becomes their enemy. They will throw themselves “into fire and water” for you. (Russian saying)
As a young girl, I could always go to my neighbor and ask for bread and salt if I didn’t have any. Russian friendship lasts a lifetime, so does Russian envy. But envy is not a bad thing in Russia, it what drives us to do greater things. We embrace it!
Russians love Winter Fares. We love drinking our traditional drinks like ” Medovuha ” on a cold Moscow evening. “Medovuha” is a must try in Winter and “Kvas” is a must try in Summer. “Medovuha” is an ancient mildly alcoholic mead. A home-made honey beverage being very popular in before-vodka times…
When we screw up royally, we have 1 day in the year that we can call the person up and say “Forgive Me” and the person should answer “God Will Forgive” … that day is called “Forgiveness Sunday” is the Sunday that comes after the Pancake Week “Maslenitca” and before the beginning of Great Lent.
Of course we should try to ask forgiveness and forgive all the time, but it’s useful to have this day… that way, there’s no excuse for you.
Russians are a very superstitious folk. If we catch ourselves say “oh, thank goodness I have great health!” we then spit 3 times on the left shoulder (where the devil lives) followed by the knock on the wood 3 times. It’s what we do in order to keep the “bad eye” or “bad luck” away from our words, in this particular example, from our health.
Our Santa “Granddad Frost” (Dedushka/Ded Moroz) and his helper “Snegurochka”, are almost always drunk out of their mind on New Years… Still can’t figure out how all the presents, actually get to kids in Russia. They probably speed dial Santa Claus.
me (not sober) with not so sober Ded Moroz (Granddad Frost) and Snegurochka ( “the helper” )
After our souls live a great and full life they go to rest. I visited my dad’s grave for the first time in 9 years.
I brought him red roses and 1 blue.. 1 blue rose is my tear and sadness surrounded by red roses – my love for him.
I also brought him sand from Sahara. It is so peaceful in Sahara and I wanted to bring this peacefulness to his soul. I told him that I always take him with me on my journeys.
I lit a candle and had a first in my life, truly intimate and a very quiet mother/daughter moment. We didn’t say anything. My mom just hugged me and we cried. The last time we were here together was 10 years ago, when we buried my dad.
Till this day, when someone dies, the whole apartment building will pay their respects to the departed and even help with money for funeral expenses. In small towns, people of the whole town will flock onto the streets, to say goodbye.
Back in 2000, I had the honor of saying goodbye to a famous Russian Actor/Director and Theatre icon, Oleg Nikolayevich Yefremov. He’s casket was placed on the wooden stage of the most famous Theatre in Russia – MHAT (MXAT). A Theatre that was co-founded by the famous Konstantin Stanislavsky.
The whole Moscow came to pay their respects. When casket was finally closed and being carried outside so it could be placed in the car, it rained. And then all those people began to clap. Everyone walked behind the casket, clapping. I had goosebumps. This was a final standing ovation for the maestro. This is a common tradition among actors and people of stage.
Our cemeteries are peaceful, beautiful, full of gorgeous marble chests and statues of the departed.
However, sometimes amongst all the flowers, marble, names, wishes and photographs, your eye catches these simple, yet very powerful three words, engraved with gold letters – This is it…
~
I know, that sometimes I make mistakes writing. English is my second language. I have no idea how to write, in fact, I’m a terrible “writer”! My scribbles have no structure, it’s too long, I get carried away. Will never be able to write because “I have to” or in a way, that will please everyone.
But every time my fingers hit the keyboard or pen touches the paper, “I bleed”…
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – Ernest Hemingway
Do know how to suffer, therefore, know how to bleed…
Of course I do…
I have a Russian Soul…
~
MY SOUL IS NOT FOR SALE!
You sit there watching me — you’re so clean, yet incredibly dirty and irritating to my eyes — you’re in white shirt and expensive tie, which you think makes you so special and important. What r u doing here? What do u want?
I’m looking in your eyes – nothing — the only thing I can see is the lonely echo of your broken dreams, to which you are so desperately trying to hold on. I hate you so much right now and at the same time I feel sorry for you — the fact that every single day you walk on your pathetic thin and dull line, the idea of knowing that the next step is going to be the same as the last one is choking you.
With my eyes I ask you; – “So, to whom did u sell it? I bet u don’t even know the person that well. Is he or she as clean on the outside as you are? And I bet your nice suit, your big house, your warm pool (that u never use) is more than enough prize for it!?!” …Oh!…where is your ring?! — Put it back on would you Mr.!
Are you ashamed that I’ll find out or you scared to death to face the truth? I’m demanding — “I want my innocence back!” , forgive me, I meant my hand..” You scream out – “Can I buy your soul?!…Oh…I mean, may I buy you a drink?”
You know, we’re so alike and at the same time from two different worlds. I’m hurt too –don’t get me wrong — I too have the lonely, desperate sound in my heart, but I’d rather walk on the path of broken glass, fire and razors, which leads to greatness, then yours — secure, comfortable and “clean”. ..
…Tomorrow I’ll be here again and I’ll see another guy, actually strike that!
I’ll see only a blurry shadow of a guy, looking for his soul…
© Elena Levon 2006
_____________________
wow this is beautiful. how that stranger reacted with you on the plane. that warmed my heart. there are plenty of good people in the world.
[...] Moscow. [...]
What wonderful post and delightful pictures. What a lovely idea about bringing a little of the Sahara to your Dad’s grave. I try and bring a little pebble or grains of sand or tree seeds from my travels.
My mother just died 2 weeks ago and I will do the same as you in the future.
very sorry for your loss, Stephen!
all my love to you and yours
You father is so proud of you right now! Of that I’m certain Lena! So much thought, heart and that great. Russian soul of yours go into every post of yours….that’s what make each so memorable! Stretch those arms open wide, my friend
Joe, thank you so much! )
I too saw Baryshnikov in person years ago, but I will never forget it – absolutely amazing! Great post.
Yes, he truly is remarkable!
Spasibo za vash obmen krasivaya istoriya
Benjamin
pogaluista )
What an awesome post! Thank you for sharing it! Warmed my heart!!
I loved this tour through the Russian soul. I was bought up on classic Russian literature, which I( always loved for its sense of space and drama, so this had some echoes for me.
Wow what culture and amazing place! The Kremlin catches my eye every time, what an amazing design and especially the colors. Beautiful photos
Elena, this was lovely as always. I saw so many similarities between your Russia and the people I met when I visited Croatia. Those I met while there all had a very proper and “closed off” demeanor UNTIL they asked a few questions and got to know you. They were all so interested in my husband and I because we were from American and we knew people from the area. I felt so incredibly welcomed by everyone we met and we were friends with them all by the end of our trip.
Your Russian soul, in need of pain or otherwise, is beautiful.
never been to Croatia.. i’m sure my soul would like it there
Very inspirational blog! Congrats! It is a very good lesson for everyone who wants to learn it. Victor Hugo said once : “Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots.”
I think randomly in the future we will meet and have the kind of great time where you laugh, cry, sound smart, sound unsmart, sing, and leave the party hungry for eggs.
I love your words but watching you dance clarified just how much fun we will someday have.
In this life or the next.
-k.
I would love that!! ))
“let’s dance, put on your red shoes and dance the blues…” ; )
ps – how the hell did you know about eggs? that’s my favorite “i’m drunk, i want food” choice )
I’m a Latvian. People think we hate Russians. Add that to the long list of things people don’t understand. I met Dostoevsky and fell in love with literature, after all. BTW, metis? What’s the other half?
wow.. seems like you have had some incredible memories )
I’m half Armenian (my dad) half Russian (mom)
Oops! To clarify, I didn’t meet Dostoevsky in person, but through his books. The Brothers Karamazov, to be precise. Talk about the Russian soul!. Although why he divided 1 Russian up into 3 brothers…;)
i got that )) when you know Dostoyevsky’s work and “meet” him through his words, the life never is the same )
Don’t short-change your lovely Armenian heart in your enthusiasm for you Russian soul!
I don’t know any Armenian, i have never been to Armenia (hope to visit sometime) my father never spoke Armenian either. I was NEVER raised like an Armenian. I have Armenian blood in me and some of the looks. I was born in Moscow and this where my soul is born too… I was raised all over the world. Be it in Morocco, Kenya, Spain or Turkey .. i feel at home and my soul is at peace almost everywhere it travels ) i do have two legal last names though … one is Russian and one is Armenian )
El, just a wonderful story and view into your life. We Americans have forgotten how to live and love life!
I just think Americans sometimes forget to enjoy life.. because they are too busy trying to survive through this tough time in US.. can you blame them..? US is such a young country compared to Russia… nothing scares Russians anymore… we’ve seen it all. “Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget what you’re living for…” – In my opinion that’s the best advice for the “i have to work, work, work!” mindset.
I’ve probably said this before, but the reason I connect with you is your zest for life. I admire how you live life and wish I had been that way in my twenties. Maybe I became a little bit Russian when as I neared 40.
I am glad your visit to Russia wasn’t sad. Different is good.
I’m so happy we met here )
freedom of a soul comes with age.
sometimes i think i’m forty … this soul of mine has traveled plenty.. the strings of grey hair is a great testament to that.. next year i’ll be in my dirty thirties and then dirty forty’s and then even dirtier fifties .. whatever number i get, i want it to be dirty ))
Fabulous post Elena. Your truth really breathes deeply when you are home.
Very “Dangerous” piece, my friend.
Thanks for sharing that special part of you. Peace!
Very powerful and insightful. Soul expressions!
Such a beautiful and interesting blog post! I am a Russian and I haven’t been home for a long time. Your story made me miss my family even more. It’s hard to describe the Russian soul, but you did this marvelously.
thank you! means a lot to me..
It’s nice to have a home to return to.
Thank for the vicarious visit to Russia and your perspectives on your home..many thanks.
Wonderful description of what must have been a very moving time for you. To see all your friends, remind yourself how to live the Russian way and to visit your father. Exhausting no doubt!
yes, it was overwhelming… first 3 weeks, i couldn’t understand where i was. and people in a metro probably thought i’m nuts… kept staring at everyone and everything with a “lost” look on my face
Thank you for a rare and beautiful look into your homeland, your family and friends and into your heart.
What a homecoming! I felt the soul of Russia and the love of your family and friends. They(you) know how to celebrate!
Susie, you’re welcome in my home, anytime! )
Thank you! And you will have to visit mine!
A beautiful homecoming!
Reading your passionate post makes me miss my Russian grandmother even more. Lola gave me my “Russian soul.”
Great post. I’m married to a Russian soul so I know from whence you speak.
Thanks for sharing your journey so honestly <3 xoxo
Beautiful and very touching to read. I have some fond memories of russian culture, thank you for sharing these anecdotes, Spasiba!
glad in reminded you of your own experience! Pogaluista! )
An amazing piece – scintillating. So glad you shared it. You make me want to visit this amazing land…
What a wonderful post! I feel like you’ve given me something far beyond a tourist’s view of Russia. I also got to see Baryshnikov dance a few years ago, here in Portland, and it was truly unforgettable— now I understand better why that is the case.
Dushevny. Govoryat ot serdtsa…
)) Spasibo!
I love your posts, they show me your heart and soul.
Your Russian soul bared for everyone to see. Just lovely!
felt good taking off all those layers )
Great post. You make the Russian soul come alive. I teach English and I have many Russian students, all of whom have exhibited eements of the soul you described.
Wonderful! Simply Wonderful!
Lovely post, Elena. You have quite a way with words. Thanks for checking out my blog. Blessings.
you really embodied the Russian Soul. beautiful post
Elena, your Russian Soul representation is the best because You are the real keeper of Russian Soul. I love your writing. You blessed with God. All what you are doing is excellent because of your Kindness and Love.
thank you so much for this wonderful compliment!
Extraordinary people, such passion!
This is a good read, packed with provocative ideas and spiced with relavent quotes. Thank you. Jane
Soothing with inspiration! well written!
Brilliant, inspiring. Then I remembered my great-great grandfather was Russian, evicted by a Tsar during a pogrom because he was also a Jew, but I felt a resonance with your words, perhaps they stirred that little bit of Russian in my own soul.?
Enjoyed this journey into the Russian soul. Hello, neighbor I’m from Riga, Latvia.
Thank you,Elena!You have big heart like Russia! http://www.webllena.com
The post gave me a flutter in my heart. You made my day! Thank you so much! I must visit Russia. If every person in the world had a “Russian soul”, imagine how beautiful a place it will be!
we have our moments .. it’s not all candy )
thank you for sharing….
It’s interesting how you spoke so much of the pain and cold and suffering of the past, but how it still felt so warm. I don’t know much about Russian culture, but this is definitely an enlightening perspective that leaves me wanting to learn more.
Loved your style and I literally would like to visit Russia after reading this
Thank you for the Russian tour! I will one day take the plunge and go for a visit. Going back to our childhood countries is always exhilarating and is like wrapping oneself in a warm comforting blanket.