Poetry ~ Musings ~ Stories
A good writer is one who knows how to write with his soul, not his mind. A good writer/artist is one who has truly lived, loved and lost.. A good writer is one who’s words penetrate the very core of his readers.. the part of the soul, they don’t talk about, but feel.. the things people think about before closing their eyes at night and hide under masks during waking hours.. such are the works of art.. they can be read for centuries to come and every breathing soul will relate to every stain of ink left on paper. If the artist have not walked barefoot on burning coals, his canvas will be lifeless. – Elena Levon
(some of them)
~ NORTH AMERICA ~
~ CENTRAL AMERICA ~
Traveled to every single Central American nation.
~ SOUTH AMERICA ~
Traveled to every single South American nation, except for Venezuela. (going to Venezuela in a year or two)
~ AFRICA ~
Madagascar (Dancing with the dead “Turning of the bones” / “Famadihana” ceremony.)
Traveling to every single African nation from 2020-2023
~ OCEANIA ~
~ ASIA ~
Traveled to every single Southeast Asian country
~ EUROPE / EURASIA ~
POETRY / MUSINGS
Genius minds say “the conscious need is freedom”…
They all called me a fool, they said “wise up!”, “stop being a child!” “what is your purpose?”, “you have not yet yielded your mind, twisted your skin and bend your bones to the need”.
. “What is the point of your life?” – I hear the echo behind my back.
My bleeding feet have danced to so many sharp edges and never hesitated before the jump. . .
Come meet me in the middle, somewhere above the abyss, walk towards me on the fragile string of wisdom and insanity, somewhere between everything and nothing, then look into my eyes and tell me I’m not free.
I give myself to the world without fear or regret — to give into passions with recklessness and without shame is the very soul of freedom.
To walk without seeking,
To see without judgement,
To hear without speaking,
To love without needing.
To leave only dust behind,
To be everything and nothing,
To leave without wanting to return,
To dive into darkness, sense the infinite and dissolve with the winds and silence.
Do I need you now? Will you seek me tomorrow? Will we ever be free?
I live in this moment and this moment is my whole life…
Take it… its yours…
June 19 2019 © Elena Levon
THE WILD IN ME HONORS THE WILD IN YOU
In his mind;
– “I want to leave everything and everyone for her. Destroy this net of righteousness around me; rip to shreds everything that ever made sense. I will concur that wild beast and she will cry and beg under me. We will run away far, far away from this dull and empty existence. I will ravish her and feast on our madness. We will laugh in the face of reality. I will give her whiskey from my lips and pour candle wax on her body, until she surrenders. Nothing will matter…”
In her soul; .
– “Shhhh my dear… you are drunk with our smell, you are drunk with our freedom. You will regret this. In this lustful fog which makes this air so thick with yearning, your rational mind has finally betrayed you. But let me come to your rescue… Don’t tie yourself to a woman like me. You don’t marry a woman like that or raise children with her. You can not own a woman like this, you never will. Even when you close your hands passionately on her neck and she moans and whispers to you; “I’m yours”… she’s not. .
When they left the room, scent of their passion lingered on and danced tango for many hours, entangled with the words that were whispered, thoughts that were hidden and true feelings that were never revealed. Thoughts and lips can lie, feelings concealed, but scent does not lie, it will betray even the most careful of spies. The scent will silently, without words and thoughts, tell the truth…
28th April 2019 © Elena Levon
THE S&M OF LIFE
If you think that control is in the hands of a person who holds a chain, then you are mistaken. There is no more vulnerable person than the one who craves power and none more free than the one, who gives himself to every moment of life with everything he has.
April 2019 © Elena Levon
YOU ARE ENOUGH
“Perfections” were created by “Idols” – Both are illusions.
You are enough!”
April 2019 © Elena Levon
I AM A WHOLE, NOT A HALF
It seems to me that the root of the problem for most women (men, too) is that they have been raised on the notion that there is “other half”… and they, with scalded feet, scour and do not accept themselves as a whole – a completed work of art. ⠀
Women do not give themselves flowers, do not draw for themselves a warm bath with candles and with relaxing music, do not go alone to the theater, exhibition, bar or restaurant for “I am just enjoying life alone here, I don’t wait for anyone, I am enough. I am whole not a half! ”.
I disagree with Plato and his explanation of the “half” in the “Symposium”. Although earlier I liked this idea of the “half” very much … but the older I get, the more I enjoy the “wholeness” and “sufficiency” of another soul next to me.
April 2019 © Elena Levon
It has been an incredible 35 years in this world. I am grateful for every single second! I could die tomorrow a very happy person, who has done everything she wanted and more. Love each other, forgive and dance this life!
It is a masterpiece!
(After my friend send me a painting of me before my birthday)
I have people in my life who can feel my energy across oceans and continents. This lady is one of the most beautiful and gifted young women I know. She is also very modest and asks not to share her name, when she sends something that she created. (Maybe someday she will let me share the link to her profile)
She drew this portrait of me yesterday.
“I sense that you have a very powerful universal protection. It comes in many forms. It comes through people that you meet. They sometimes do or say things, around you, that they can’t even explain to themselves.
They sometimes leave your life, but they came into your life as protectors. There is an ancient protection that I can sense, which is protecting you, almost like a snake – patronage, wisdom, spirit of nature, higher matter of some sort. The red triangle 🔺 is a representation of fire element (my true element), which represents your own heat/spirit”.
All my life I have felt this energy next to me and in recent years I have been feeling it even more so. But after the leader of the Yanomami tribe told me that now our souls are connected forever, I feel it intensely. Something absolutely infinite and powerful, it cannot be seen, only felt.
March 27 (Born on International Theatre Day) 2019 © Elena Levon
DANCE WITH A BULLET
We are all a bit crumpled, with fallen skins, some wearing a mask, some without, each dancing our tap dance with a bullet …
March 18 2019 © Elena Levon
Fear is nurtured by Caesars to remain Caesars.
A man with no fear can not be controlled.
What you nurture in yourself – you become.
December 11 2018 © Elena Levon
YIN / YANG
We are all made of yin/yang energies…
The important thing is not to kill one or the other.
The important thing is to let both sides dance with each other…
October 2 2018 © Elena Levon
A CERTAIN PRAYER
Wrapped in the unbearable heat of sticky Sicilian afternoon, you are paying respects to the ancient cobblestones, with the sound of your heals. It intertwines with the sounds of someone else’s passion, carried by the lace curtains, right to your stomach instead of a gelatto… A certain prayer if you will.. to one another, instead of the prayer to a deaf and proud illusion.
Sicily, Italy September 2018 © Elena Levon
– “Lena!! … you can not wear lingerie out like dresses! This is for bedroom… for your lover… “
– “You, maybe can not, but I will do as I please. Oh! And in the bedroom, prefer to wear my own and his scent on myself…
…but when alone, I sleep in Tobacco-Vanille by Tom Ford …”
Sicily, Italy September 2018 © Elena Levon
My morning on the river Seym.
17 years my feet haven’t touched this part of the earth… a whole life ago. Rylsk (a really small town 600 km from Moscow) is the place where my mother was born and where I also grew up and even went to school for a while. The river Seym and those warm and kind native souls living at its banks, will forever remain for me something very dear to my heart. Biking along the meadows, inhaling this magic, seeing the storks, being naked in the grass and river – this is happiness.
My feet have touched more than 70 countries, but I will always be drawn to this place by the river …
No matter how infinite our path in life is, never forget your roots … find time and plunge into them with all your soul. Thank you that you exist, my dear Russia … I love you.
(Seym river, Rylsk, Kursk Region, Russia. August 2018)
© Elena Levon
If you don’t know how to speak with your eyes, don’t open your mouth.
July 2018 © Elena Levon
BROUGHT BY THE WINDS
Meeting Mo Mohamed was not by chance.. high island winds themselves brought me to him.. His artistic spirit lives a very humble life.. he practices on drums every day, plays on long forgotten instruments, talks like god and laughs like devil..
He lets dark and light coexist within himself and his art. He does not kill one over the other, like most people do. If you are ever in Aruba, come visit him.. and forget the outside world with it’s narrow-minded perceptions.
– “The spirit of the winds brought you here” – Mo Mohamed told me.
– “But why?” – I asked.
– “To take care of the “circle”.. so everything is the way it’s supposed to be…”
Aruba June 16 2018 © Elena Levon
On the devil’s island I will wait for thee,
He will hear my call across the seas…
The winds will carry me to him, He would die himself, but rescue me….
Come here and take my hand, lets dance in eternity of these sands.
Drink the rum and me, feast on our lust with passion,
Unchain yourself from this world, in a raw and wild fashion..
Steal the keys from the ravens claws,
Then come to my cell and destroy all locks and laws. .
Clutch my veins with all your soul,
One more breath before the dawn,
One step closer towards the fall…
Here, we shall reign with Apollyon….
© Elena Levon. May 12 2018. Devils Island prison, French Guiana, South America
MY SOLO JOURNEY INTO THE MOST DANGEROUS JUNGLE
IN THE WORLD – THE DARIEN GAP
There are still wild souls in the Darien Gap, who run around jungle naked and free. There are still places that don’t see a foreigner for many years. Places without churches, where tourism is unknown and no one will be putting on a circus show for you, like they do in La Palma, Mogue, La Chunga and other similar places.
There are still pieces of life in the Darien, where you will be looked at as a threat… there are still places in the Darien gap, where you will have many misunderstandings and arguments with some locals, for trying to take advantage of you on every turn…
There are still places in the Darien jungle, where they will laugh at you for trying to feed their dogs that are dying from starvation and diseases, beside the very feet of their owners, even though owners themselves are well fed and a lot are overweight. There are, my friends, places in the Darien that will make you laugh and cry, passionately and sometimes at the same time.
These places are for the brave and for the mad ones. Life in the not touristy Darien will make you angry at times, lonely and helpless, but these moments will also make you feel the most alive you ever felt — it is because its all savage to the core and unapologetically honest with you — the good, the bad and the truly ugly.
Darien will smack you in your face with its truth and see how fast you break.
The real Darien, is very different from the one usually seen by foreigners. I am grateful for every moment, for all the truth it showed me, without fear and sugary lies. Grateful for every blessing, for every lesson and for all the love it showed me.
Darien made me feel very strong and weak at the same time… but most importantly — it made me feel alive.
And isn’t that the reason we, the mad ones, fearlessly beat our dusty and worn-out cowboy boots into the uncharted breath of this life — to feel alive? Madly alive!
In the moment where your soul feels every twist of your nerves and checkmates your ego, with one… little… push…
© Elena Levon. The Darien Gap, Panama. March 2018
SCENT OF A WOMAN
To dance is to feel… to give in to the moment and forget yourself. Smash the cage of your ego and breathe passion of the one who leads.. don’t fight it… dissolve and melt into the abyss.
Smell her scent.. drown in her eyes… taste her, give her your soul and watch it dance with her shadows.
She belongs to no one…
But now, in this moment, she’s yours to devour.. taste the thick air between you and her, melt with it..
This moment is all you have.
The next step is the one, where you have to let her go.
Don’t ever regret it…
To have her succumb to you in only a single breath, was worth more than all pleasures of this and other worlds. Even if it meant spending the rest of your life without her by your side… it was worth it…
Because in that breath, you were God…
16 December 2017 © Elena Levon
“THE THIRD WORLD”
I believe that there’s a lot of misconception about “third world”… Lets look at facts, shall we? — They are allowed to grow, sell and consume their own food that they grow (even though that is being taken away from them as I write this) They are allowed to hunt and fish without license (although that is being outlawed as I write this), they do know survival skills in the wild and ability to live without electricity or running water, they are allowed to collect rain water, without being thrown in jail (like its being done in USA, when a person tries to live “off grid”)
Some of them still own their land (but not many) .. in USA you “own” nothing .. nada! You are just Leasing your whole life from the system that has been trying to convince you of a “boogieman” or a “virus” (that they themselves build) so you give up everything for a an illusion of “security”.. under the grandiose global (nowadays) another illusion of freedom and “owning”.. If internet shuts down, electricity and heat.. who do you think will survive? Before you utter words “poor them” lets write a check to a “charity” in
Africa or elsewhere (that will never reach people) take a good honest look at your life… Their dogs run free and unchipped (unlike mine), their kids grow up with nature and know basic survival skills at a young age (unlike your two year old, who throws tantrums if you take away their ipad) ..
I mean who is truly poor here and a slave? I love traveling to these off tourist track places and spending time in remote villages and remote tribal communities, because they are the truly last free people on this planet… not us.
December 6 2017 © Elena Levon
The road will never abandon you, just because you have different dreams than her. She will never tell you, that you’re not really a woman, if you can’t or won’t have kids and still not married. The road will never dump you just because you gained 20 pounds, your head is full of grey hair, your face is full of wrinkles and your body now has cellulite. She is always near, when you just need a friend, who will silently and loyally, lift up all your weight, with all your “baggage”, that you so stubbornly, carry with you since childhood. Doctors, might say that with your current health conditions, you must stay in bed and spend as much money and time in hospitals as possible. The road will never tell you that.
Love is perhaps the best cure of them all and Love is always something you can meet on the road. The road will never ask you “So where is this all going?” or “Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?” or “What do you do for living”, “What is your religion?”, “Who will you vote for?” or “How many followers do you have on instagram?”
The Road will never turn your brain into crumbles of bread, trying to convince you of the fact, that it’s more important to “Think about your future”, instead of living in “NOW”. Even when you spit into her soul, she will never answer you in the same way.
Go do something today, that you have never done before, do something today that scares you. Call your parents if you haven’t spoken to them in a long time, kiss a stranger, tell someone you love them, give someone a hug, look up into the sky, be grateful for your life and for all that you have, make someone laugh, forgive the one who hurt you most, love more, laugh more, live more… and don’t forget the rum…
November 29 2017 © Elena Levon
Pleasure can never be sinful…
Although sinful pleasure is most satisfying..
November 29 2017 © Elena Levon
Aged wine flows through your veins in such a manner, that you begin to laugh at those, who are foolish enough to hold on to youth at all costs…
The beauty and charm of a quiet, yet strong gaze… in it, you get lost…
The simple yet confident style… without glitter and chaos, but with burning passion, unbreakable strength and honest smile…
Graceful and slow walk of the one, who lived and loved and lost…
Who flown so high and crashed so deep,
Who even crawled at times with numbing pain and guilt…
Then danced, laughed, touched infinite freedom and peace…
What is left?… How does it taste?… How does it feel?…
How does it feel on your lips and between your bones, when we kiss?…
17 September 2017 © Elena Levon
–– “Throw her into fire! She’s a witch!”
-–– “Even after you burn me into dust, my laughter will continue shaking universes into infinity” – Through the loud and incomparable laugh, she yelled out to those, who dared to put a wooden cross on her window …
September 2017 © Elena Levon
Woman who lives at the end of time and at the edge of the world… Somewhere between oceans and seas of the universe she dances barefoot on bones and souls…
She is able to give herself away completely without fear or any expectation — she is invincible.
September 2017 © Elena Levon
She walked through the gates of future with so much ease, strength and confidence.. Even though she still remembered, that those crumbling bricks of fallen empires of her own making, were thrown at her by those, who were afraid of truth… It didn’t matter now… not to her… the truth doesn’t need an empire for protection… The truth is invincible…
20/09/2017 ©️ Elena Levon
Travel is about the people you get to meet and the moments you get to share with them… Travel is about dissolving and melting with the soil your dusty boots stand on…
It’s about the courage, love and lightness you are able to bring to someone else’s heart…
Souls, roads, laughter, tears, oceans, seas, fire, passion, deserts, natural sounds, scents, instincts, dance, jungles, winds, sun, air, love, mountains, rain, moon, stars, infinity and silence…
They are all my home…
The are all my priceless treasures…
Let There Always Be A Road…
August 2017 © Elena Levon
JE SUIS TOUT
(I Am Everything)
I make love to life.
I have no regrets.
The only thing one needs to be afraid of in this life is fear itself… Banish it, lock it up and throw away the key. Fear has no place in the heart full of passion, freedom and love.
All that will be left of me is my passion… All that will be remembered is my dance…
All that will matter is that I loved… All those things will travel on…
They will gallop on dusty roads of eternity into the hearts of those, who are brave enough to let go of fear, who will strip their souls raw and breathe passion into their veins…
August 2017 © Elena Levon
ROAD TO HAPPINESS
I am grateful for everything and everyone that/who made me experience pain, suffering, anger, failure, struggle, death… Thank you! All those things brought me to me… to the core.. when all the layers torn away with meat, bone and blood, what remains is endless, unbreakable, powerful energy at it’s purest form… It has no beginning and no end…
Real true LIFE and LIVING begins on the other side of your understanding of this world and yourself…
Those “understandings” and “ideas” were programmed into your mind from childhood… by school, family, society… But those ideas and understandings have nothing to do with what real happiness and freedom is.
Thankfully all my life I got C’s and D’s at schools and never listened to anyone… Only to my core.. only to my instincts.. Like a wild jaguar in the Amazonian jungle.. only the instincts, senses and intuition.. nothing else… All those things are the only things breathing, living and dancing between my bones…
I was born wild and free and I shall leave this world unchanged.
Don’t be afraid to ravage, rebel and break free from all the fake ideas, meanings and rules…
Behind them lives your happiness…
July 2017 © Elena Levon
Woman’s power is in her “womanness”, not in her manness… A lion doesn’t scream about the fact how strong and powerful he is.. he just is. Its the kind of power and magnetism, that lives between your bones.. I enjoy being a Woman.. not a woman, who is trying to outdo a man.. why? There’s no need for that.. Not for me. I like being feminine and enjoy getting older.. I have no need to be young and “hip” or “cool” or whatever else. True power of a woman is quiet .. its not in the things she says or tries to show.. its in the things she does.. the things she believes in, the creativity that she brings to her life and the life of the ones she loves.
True power is in accepting your weaknesses and letting both melodies exist. Softness always wins over hardness .. always. The feminine and masculine , the yin/yang.. we have all of those things in us… The secret is to let them be, without killing one or the other within yourself. Just let them be and blossom into the power that you already posses.
At the end of the day I’m just a woman/girl/child/student who is so fortunate to have incredible support from people who love me… without them I’m nothing.. they support my dreams, they lift me up when I fall and stand by me through thick and thin… When I was 19 and came to US alone with a grand in my pocket, I thought “I can do it all by myself, just fine”… I was wrong… You’re going nowhere without people who take a chance on you.. who regardless of all your bat-shit crazy ways, kiss your wounds and support your dreams, be it in financial way, moral support or both…
I had to learn to like people.. I had to learn to ask for help, I had to learn to yield, when necessary. I had to apologize to many and make peace with my own chaos…
June 2017 © Elena Levon
Прелюдия к Безумию
(My first written poem in Russian language)
Раствориться и закрыть дверь реальности и фальши, Погружаясь в безумство наших ночей…
Без слов, без прикрас и масок… Разрушить шахматную игру своей страстью…
Какая разница из чьих уст выскользнут слова “Check-mate!”…
В миг когда его руки удушливо-страстно сомкнуться на ее шее, а ее укус на его плече, настолько сладок и дик, то будет уже совсем не важно, кто одержал победу над кем…
Первые лучи солнца целовали их голые, покорные и измотанные друг-другом тела и души… Они медленно и нехотя тащили обратно ферзей и пешки из стран грехов, с песка страстей, из лавы огненных очей…
Начиналась новая игра…
— “Смелее! Смелее же! Делайте Ваши ставки, Дамы и Господа!… Кто же в этот раз, первым потеряет ферзя? Будет ли крах или снова ничья ?”
15/04/2017 © Elena Levon
You know, I am unable to have children…
And I don’t want to have my own… So we’re good there..
Life and me we’re good there…
We shook hands on it, gave each other a wink and laughed…
Ladies and Gents… No need for pity!
My art are my children…
Every photograph (in front/behind the camera), every poem, every painting I posed for, every story, every word, every dance –– They are my kids…
Every child I made was with so much love and passion…
It would be foolish to make them without those things… foolish and unnecessary.
I hope they will bring joy, laughter and maybe even help someone in a way or inspire…
Don’t we all wish our children did just that?…
April 2017 © Elena Levon
LIFE IN FRONT OF THE LENS
In every photograph I leave a piece of my soul… it will continue to burn…
Burn through the pages of my scars…
Through every wrinkle…
Through aged face, tired smile and open wounds.
The wounds without bandages…
They are open, free and alive…
January 2017 © Elena Levon
THE COST OF FAME
You know why she would never be an “A list” anything? … Well, it’s simple folks… she danced barefoot on tables, without fear of ruining her hair, dress or reputation… She had no fear.. she lived in one moment and in that moment was her whole life…
She always spoke her mind, refused to shave her armpits and loved hard liquor, not an apple martini. She spend all her cash not on diamonds or clothes, but plane tickets. She laughed loud and cried just as loud… she could be very classy at times.. but her wild soul would just come roaring out.. it was unstoppable .. such was her spirit…
It was not meant to shmooz and beg and blow smoke up producers ass 24/7 indefinitely, to get work.. She made her peace with that.. She was happy to live life and create art untamed and on her terms..
And when she stepped barefoot on tables or pianos, to dance to hot Latin tunes, she didn’t have to think about what was going to be in the papers next morning… she was truly free… and very happy that she made the right choice in life – to honor her soul above all else.
January 2017 © Elena Levon
(Written after Golden Globes exclusive and extremely private A-list “after party” at the infamous Chateau Marmont hotel in Los Angeles, where I danced barefoot on top of the main piano.)
Her loud and brave “Ale!!!” echoed through mountains and nearby villages, while she sat on top of a chariot, leading bulls up the hills and muddy “roads”, in order to get firewood for the house… In villages of Madagascar women usually look after kids and home… but not this one… Here I became part of the family.. part of the tribe. I found this village by my 7th sense, it’s not on the map and cars don’t go here.. My dusty cowboy boots danced with the dead and living here… literally.
Can’t wait to return.. I choose to help and give money to people in these villages, who live with no electricity or heat, instead of hotels, tour companies or resorts. I’m a rebel with a cause. (no one in those villages have ever seen a sight like this before)
November 15 2017 © Elena Levon
When you’re still able to breathe, it’s all about passion… everything else is decoration, clutter and chaos. When you stop breathing it’s all about silence, peace and oneness… But if you’re lucky enough to touch passion’s core, while you’re still breathing;
To get so deep inside, that you forget what you are… When you give in to it with every cell of your existence and let go from within… You will feel that all it really was from the beginning — silence, peace and oneness that has exploded into nothingness inside the infinite.
So when someone asks you about the meaning of life, perhaps it is wise to say nothing and smile, so you don’t rob them of their illusions.
2017 © Elena Levon
To be able to touch the past is otherworldly… To “be” there in silence… To imagine and dissolve within the very soul of who we once were.. To forget what is and dream the impossible..
To let go of noise, to feel and surrender…
These are 3000-6000 years old paintings.. some even say they date to 35000 (unbelievable…) They live inside Lene / Lena Hara cave in East Timor. If it’s Lena, then that means, me and her, have the same name.. )
It was an incredible feeling… it was just me inside and a friend of the Chief of Tutuala village, with who’s family I lived in East Timor. I believe East Timor is still the least visited nation in Southeast Asia.. go and explore it, while it’s not a tourist zoo yet..
East Timor 2016 © Elena Levon
TOBACCO-VANILLE, LACE AND HUNGER
She put on her signature perfume and walked out of her apartment…
The driver downstairs was already waiting for her in the car. He was to take her to the famous Cigar Bar in the center of Manhattan, where someone was already pouring her one very Dirty Gin Martini…
“Do I smell naked?..” – was the first and only question she wanted to ask him…
“Almost… I smell Tobacco-Vanille, your lace and your hunger…” – He replied.
He paid for the drinks, without ever having the need to break the eye contact, took her forcefully, yet calmly by the hand and she obediently followed him all the way to the exit door…
She secretly craved for someone to just “tell her” what to do, without the fear of loosing her. Her Extra Dirty Martini remained on the bar counter… half empty…
November 2016 © Elena Levon
People called her “Rebel” and “Wild Child” — she didn’t shave her armpits, drunk whiskey, rum and gin straight up, she liked to wear men’s clothes and perfume, she never listened to anyone, but there were exceptions…
December 17 2016 © Elena Levon
The girl walked towards an elephant, hugged his trunk and placed a gentle kiss. She caressed him like a mother would caress her child… she talked to him and continued to kiss his trunk, looking into his eyes and speaking to him…
“Hi sweetheart… I understand, I am sorry, I will not hurt you or ride you, you are safe with me…”
And the thick-skinned elephant started to cry, because he had a really big heart, so big in fact, that the girl herself, could climb inside of it and heal her own pain.
They gave permission to one another. They both unlocked something inside of themselves and held one another… it was safe to cry and to love…
Animals feel love very strongly….
October 2016 © Elena Levon.
FIRE AND ASH
“So where is the devil now?.. “ — He asked her cautiously ..
“Sometimes he walks beside me and gently holds my hand..” — She replied with such tenderness towards the question and his own soul, that he unknowingly took another step towards his own oblivion, which was seductively hiding within the softest fog of her silence.”
On a stage of life, one must continue dancing, even when music is replaced by the sweet bondage of silence, that hangs heavily in the air and standing ovations checkmated by the echo of an empty Theatre. To stop that dance would be an irreversible punishment to the Theatre of ones soul. The truth can never be taught, only experienced and that truth sings loudest, once surrendered to the fall. To fall on stage is a true blessing, which is disguised as a curse.
09/09/2016 © Elena Levon
WHAT IS LOVE?
“Find what you love and let it kill you…”
A wicked mind once said…
Are those words of a wise man or a fool?
How dare you suggest such happiness and sorrow?
How dare you take away my will?
How dare you stand so far and watch me take off my armor and yield it to their feet?
How foolishly wise of you, Mr. How foolishly wise…
Piece by piece, layer after layer…
First the fear, then, the pride,
And now I stand bare — all that I am, inside all that you are…
To go all in and to lose.
The higher they let you fly,
The more exquisitely grand you shall fall.
You say, that it’s all up to me and that I should choose…
Would you be willing to be so vulnerable and naked?
Would you dance on knives, while your feet bled?
Would you cover the wounds or let them burn?
Would you let them kill you?
I raise my glass to my dismay and to your victory!
I’m painting masterpieces with my toes — pinkish-red, like those roses of Van Gogh…
They will fade with time, you know?
The scars will heal, even if my soul will not.
Let me kiss the hand that feeds, then lulls to sleep.
Let me run through shattered echoes of my sanity — swept away into some other reality.
Let me drift away into the madness of us…
And then quietly, with a smile, stab my heart…
My arms are open,
I no longer hide.
Take that knife and tango me one last time.
To have loved so deeply, to have danced so freely,
To have lost myself so passionately…
Not in vain…
What is love?
On one side of a coin —
Letting them kill you and loving them even more…
On the other —
Love is knowing you have the power to kill yet choosing not to.
04/09/2016 © Elena Levon
I pulled up at one of the posh Beverly Hills hotels for a drink. Walked down a beautiful palace-like lobby and noticed a very strange, upscale gathering. Gorgeous people and models everywhere, famous actors and fashion designers. There was someone giving a speech, everyone was listening intently and clapping passionately. Then a beautiful tall woman in a gown approached me and asked me to follow her. Her sparkling gown lead the way into a beautiful courtyard… she showed me with a very elegant gesture the way I should go, she smiled, turned around and went back into the direction of the gathering in the hotel. “What a very fluid, perfected and transcendent reality” I thought. When I looked towards the gardens, I noticed an iron fence all around it and a huge camp, that looked like a military base… I walked into it and saw bunk beds that filled the whole space. They looked identical with green and white bedding. Saw only women here, they were all dressed the same — very mannequin-like, same outfits, same walk, same eye expressions. They talked in low volume, almost whispering…
Most of them looked like they just came off from the cover of Vogue magazine, some were older women, but all of them had the same expressionless manner about them. A kind of nonchalant existence and constant talk of beauty, age, skin perfection etc.. I placed my purse on one of the bunk beds, and was given by a woman who looked like a fashion model the exact same grey and white outfit to put on and told to hand her my evening dress. I quietly asked her what this place was and she said in very matter of fact tone of voice “Oh, don’t you know? This is a “How To Beat Death” camp and convention, haven’t you been briefed? These are all volunteers of our program”. Cold sweat appeared on my forehead and I started quickly gathering my things. “Are you people all insane? Why would you want to beat death??!!” – I pleaded with these mannequin-like expressions. They all looked like robots, not living, breathing souls anymore. “Why would you want to make every moment of your life not special? Don’t you understand that life is only special because there is death at the end of it, why would you want to change that!!?” – I yelled at them, trying to wake them up.
Tears filled my eyes. I took my purse and rushed out of the camp. As I was running out a woman in her 50’s screamed “I have cancer and that is why I’m here!!” – “So what?!! I have pretty bad health myself and so? That doesn’t make me want to become a lab rat for billionaires out there in the ballroom, in who’s hands you put your soul. They don’t care about you or your cancer, don’t you get it? Wake up!! all of you wake up!!” As I screamed those words, laughter filled the camp grounds and continued until I reached the ballroom inside the hotel. As I walked past the convention in the ballroom towards the exit, people were whispering and pointing their disapproving diamond-drip fingers in my direction and shaking their heads at what they were told happened inside the camp grounds. I turned around and broke the silence – “How to beat death? Really? Have you all gone mad? Why would anyone want to live forever?? Wake up people!! Wake up!!” I was crying and screaming “Wake up” all the way to the exit door…
As it snapped closed, tears were running down my cheeks, I continued to beat on the door with my hands with great sadness, shock and tormented soul, with a scream that got quieter and quieter, almost a whisper now… “Wake up! Please wake up! You have to wake up!”…
and so I did…
May 2016 © Elena Levon
From salt to blood,
Within a cage, without air, within a silent agony.
Raging in lies and smiles of the past,
I served the purpose, her purpose.
It is her story, I was only a tool.
The pain inside without a cause.
Her cause, her pain, inside my nameless shadow.
I will be lost within the wind of sorrow.
My aching bones and shattered dreams,
Without a place and name.
Just a footprint of a soul without flesh, without a home.
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, no one to follow.
Burning through the pages of a story, her story.
Destroying without regret,
To love and to hate,
To walk the plank into oblivion – that’s my fate.
My ugly beauty and beautiful ugliness,
My battered soul, my dusty shoes,
My tears and blood of my inner child.
My journey on this endless road.
We will dance barefoot on shattered glass, on shattered dreams.
We will be remembered and then forgotten.
We will kiss the tears of our unborn child.
We will rise like Phoenix, we will break free!
I will climb the highest mountain,
I will not look down,
I will not turn the other cheek,
I will not bow down!
One more step,
One last breath,
One last laugh…
I am free at last!
10/27/2015 © Elena Levon
In stillness we sense our soul
In silence we hear answers
In breath we come alive
In death we get back to stillness…
7/8/2015 © Elena Levon
Thick air is wrapping me whole in its web of the night.
The tingly rum has danced on my melting tongue.
A strong hand, pulled me even closer to the yin and yang.
Cutting through my iron ropes, it traveled through waves of the past.
It tickled my savage nerves, making me helpless, weightless and blind.
Then finally released me into the abyss without the mask.
Dancing on razors,
Flying through time.
Breathless, raw, naked and wild.
6/19/2015 © Elena Levon
I have tried with passion to make you believe you meant nothing for me,
I wanted to hurt you for feeling the things I feel, I wanted you to suffer and kneel.
I poured the poison in your glass and poured some wine in mine,
You looked through my eyes and made me forget my past and my guilt.
“I see you, you know? You can never hide.”
How dare he read my mind! You will regret this soon. I want you to die!
He has consumed me whole and robbed me of my pride.
I want to destroy his sleep, his mind, to starve him and make him blind.
After his glass is empty, I will finally be free without regret.
Escape this torture, rescue back my heart that was trapped in his net.
You have made me loose my mind, I’m sleep deprived, exhausted and covered in sweat.
Still don’t know what’s best; arsenic in your blood or a bullet in your head.
You will suffer greatly and I will laugh through tears.
I will kiss your hands, whisper in your ear and bite your neck.
No man is allowed to travel through me without my consent.
You have no right! Drink up and don’t beg!
“I want you to know, that you have the power to kill”
I will not let him chain me to himself, but tell me I’m still free.
One last look, one last kiss, his fiery eyes I will always miss.
His lions soul, his scent and the madness of his kiss.
“Look at that sunset, it reminds me of us, it burns like fire through all living souls so fast”
“Yes, it leaves the scars on it’s prey, does it again and again, each and every day”
“Let’s raise our glasses and drink to our own private hell and dismay”
I knew all along, I will never be his. But I have to be brave!
No! Why should I live, if he will no longer be here?
I picked up his glass, took his poison and sadness filled my eyes with tears.
“What have you done?!! How will I ever be able to go on?”
“When you are ready to leave, you know where to find me…”
“I will be running with wild horses, happy, ageless and free”
“My love, for you,
I would drink all the poison,
Catch all the bullets, burn alive
And die silently without a fear.”
06/29/2015 © Elena Levon
DANCING WITH THE DEVIL
All my life I chased the freedom. I left behind all faith In God.
I was hungry for a different Kingdom, with a different kind of Lord.
I was falling deep within the chaos and did not want to return.
Bruised and scarred, but never concurred I stood fearlessly while being burned.
We both have sinned, lied, destroyed and cheated.
We laughed at fate and played with fire.
We stomped on hearts without shame and reason.
We burned the pages of our youth and ran on broken glass, undefeated.
One glance, one dance, one kiss, then Silence…
Who are you? Why now? Why me?
We knew the answer, we knew each others same scent of violence.
You and Me and the Devil makes three…
Both defeated, both are punished.
We are losing balance, our minds and freedom.
Our fear, pain, anger and bruises, all have vanished.
We have finally found our very own Garden of Eden.
I no longer need the freedom. I no longer need a name.
I no longer search for Kingdom and no longer feel the shame.
I don’t need to choose religion, I don’t need to play that game.
Now we only have the hunger and each other as our prey.
I surrendered to our chaos, to the color of our souls.
I no longer need the poison, I no longer laugh at fate.
I’m forever lost inside Inferno, there, I found myself and youth.
Have you ever danced with Devil?
Have you ever fallen through?
I found myself…
01/19/2015 © Elena Levon
BEHIND THE MASK
Rage, fear, emptiness and yearning. Yearning for what might be, but never will.
Yearning to escape the lie and to take off the mask.
To forget and disappear into our lust.
To feel, to learn, to forget and remember. The madness, the truth and the madness in truth.
Like a trapped wild beast, from one corner to the other, panting, raging, scratching and slowly dying with each kiss.
My solo swan song is tearing through sheets, clothes and air,
Running through darkness, with unforgiving shadows from my past, into despair.
Bewilderment and agony, hungrily smashed into our private ecstasy.
Private yet publicly laughed at, hidden, yet exposed to the core.
Sipping shame and devouring lust. Ashamed yet proud. Yes, shamelessly and fearlessly proud.
Proud of my wickedness and chaos. I’d rather die in ugly truth, than live chained to their lies.
Choices, chances, empty glances. Life is just an illusion? Yes, I know. it is…
But how do you travel from illusion into a dream? You, know, The Dream… Which road do you take?
I’d rather dream and never wake up, with eyes wide open or shut, while raising my cup full of blood.
What does Lucifer yearn for? Same things as me?
Through the drunken sleepless fog, I will try to remember and forget, forget that I have to wake up.
Forget that it’s only a dream, forget that none of this is real.
Succumbing to debauchery and raging against deceit. I invite you to my fearlessly naked Ball,
A man or a woman, come here and forget all that is wrong.
Forget your fears, let go of your pride and prejudice, which kills. Ravish me, burn with me, tango me, stare at me, scratch me and bruise me…
Don’t be afraid, remember – it’s only a dream…
But when you wake up, the truth might make you so ill, that it will drag you all the way up on a cross and kill.
I will cry for you and us, while driving the last nail into your heart. Don’t blame me,
Blame the dream and the yearning for it or me. Don’t be surprised… I told you; I’m driven by instincts.
Never by morals, sweet lies or gimmicks.. But by raw, primal, unattainable music within the dream.
You saw me without a mask, or maybe you just saw yet another one underneath the last…
The Ball is over, cut yourself away, slip on your mask, travel far,
Far away from me, dive back into the illusion and pretend that you’re free.
What do you yearn for, My Dear Mask? Same things as me?
I yearn for truth, for choking truth, within one moment.
I yearn to stand fearlessly naked, lost, vulnerable, with or without the hatred.
I yearn for our dream, in which you make love to my soul and take me far beyond the extreme.
I yearn to take off your Mask…
And for you, to just rip off mine
06/1/2014 © Elena Levon
“Was it worth it?” they will later ask.
Every moment spent near your breath, your truth, love, even cruelty of your game.
Every second, every tear and aching sound that took it all away.
Every kiss, every curse, every sleepless night and endless day.
Every lie and laugh that will soon fade away.
Every silence and cry of my soul.
Every glance and my scent that you stole.
Every thirsty dream, painfully awakened scream and our original sin.
Every joyful hello and proud goodbye.
I lost myself, most of my pride and all of my fear.
Our lustful song is all I can hear.
You are all that I crave, even if it’s just in a cave, clothed in a mask of a slave.
I can only be fed by this sin, my hunger and thirst only you have the strength to save.
To know you exist is more than enough.
I don’t even mind mixing insanity with our blood and laugh.
If you want, you can even be rough.
You can have my mind, body, soul and heart to be put in a cuff.
“Was it worth it ?” …
Always will be…
12/16/2013 © Elena Levon
LESSONS PEOPLE TAUGHT ME
If you want to hear the truth ~ Listen to your heart.
If you want to fly ~ Don’t be afraid to break your wings.
If you want to forgive ~ Ask for forgiveness.
If you want to be a good dancer ~ Dance with your soul, not your feet.
If you want to get to the top ~ You have to touch the bottom.
If you want to be free ~ Don’t lie to yourself.
If you want to heal ~ Cry, Laugh, Breathe & Let go.
If you want to be rich ~ Help someone.
If you want to find You ~ Get lost.
If you want to learn ~ Change.
If you want to feel loved ~ Love.
If you want to be happy ~ Be.
02/07/2013 © Elena Levon
Time has stopped.
Crowds, chaos, voices.
So many faces,
So many echo’s
So many places.
Except one face…
Except one echo…
Except one place…
Among the crowds we are lost,
But my eyes still hope to see yours.
I search for your face in so many masks…
But they just laugh at us.
They laugh, because I will never belong to you…
I never do.
If we shall never find eternity,
I ask for only 3 things;
One Face – Yours
One Echo – Ours
One Place – Now…
12/23/2012 © Elena Levon
A cat-like shadow emerges from darkness.
Slowly making her way to the feast…
Her gracefully independent solo walk is a seductive dance, of an untamed beast.
Wrapped in mystery and broken promises,
She’s leaving behind intoxicating cloud of exotic scents…
Vanille, sandalwood, spices, tobacco, lace and incense.
She hears men trying to get her attention…
But doesn’t look in their direction.
She’s being led by the invisible string of the night…
The only thing she sees,
Is a lustful, decadent and chaotic light…
© Elena Levon 12/12/12
With every passing second I’m trying to survive in this burning web of memories..
I ran away because it was too much..
Too much, yet not enough, never enough.. it will never be enough.
How can I live .. how will I breathe in this?
How can anyone survive through this?
Dancing through jealousy and lust, diving into love and hate, while crying our way through pain and pleasure..
Take it back… I beg you, take it all back.. just let me go…
Erase, unlive, forget!
Let’s just forget, I know you can, you have to try … I did – I forgot everything!
It set me free, you see;
I forgot us in Yesterday ~
Our breath, that is carried on by the unbearable heat,
Your scent and touch on my skin,
Your impatient and strong hand touching my lace,
Fighting through fearless chaos into some peaceful place.
I forgot us in Today ~
Twisting my whole being in knots just with your words,
I forgot how you live under my skin;
Somewhere between my veins, soul, heart and sin..
And I forgot us in Tomorrow ~
Giving into truth with passion… Drinking the poison and giving into sin..
Getting drunk, but not from the gin.
We free fall from all acceptable laws and forms,
Tasting the sweet and sour, swirling on devil’s horns.
Our love is unacceptable and rude,
It’s kinky, volatile, hanging on a string of insanity and fearlessly nude.
I am now free!
© Elena Levon. November 2011
OUR TIMELESS PASSION
Always… Like fire, your soul in my veins and mine in yours– it’s you and me inside our burning desire. Our thoughts and breath are like an orchestrated unison which tears this cruel web of night apart– it’s like an arrow, rushing straight into the depth of my heart. Touch, love, lust.
We are breaking the rules and reaching new heights. It has captured me whole within its red ocean of lights. I can taste this sweet torment of uncontrollable yearning for you. Believe me, I have tried so hard to fight and rebel, but then I gave in to this unbearable warmth, because it’s so true.
Our melted bodies and souls got twisted in a tango of scent which flows from one shade to the next, making me unconscious, free and more like myself. We boldly dance with our naked truth, searching beyond the comfort, far from lies, diving together into timeless youth.
I feel free with you…Always…We can be weak, silent or reckless. I’m not afraid anymore to sin or drown in this endless search for more. At that moment when time stood still, when tears of pleasure cascaded from my cheek, once our heat had reached the highest peak and when our sounds created a song…that’s when our burning passion was born.
It lives within me now, waiting for you. Touch, love, lust. Your whisper alone is like a taboo! It’s a fragile and tense string between me and you…
© Elena Levon, July 2009
A FROZEN MOMENT
I feel so light, almost suspended in air, like a frozen ball of sugar so sweet and tempting. I feel alive…
yes, for the first time in months I feel alive! It seems right now that time has stopped… I begged and it has stopped for me.I don’t have the weakening desperation in my knees that’s driving all the veins into one tense nerve.
I’m almost embarrassed of this feeling, because it’s such a sweet cotton, that’s wrapped me in it’s arms and there’s no pain or urge for anything… I’m just am, in this second… I love this second! I’m not rushing to the next cloud of unsureness and I’m not running away either, it’s like something finally found a peaceful shell inside of my body, mind, soul and all of my senses are reborn.
Strange, I looked at myself and it was like someone else was looking at me; with no heavy judgement, but with strange acceptance of one’s reflection and it’s fountain of life. No past, no future, but with now — this moment frozen in time for me to feel at peace, with all of my shadows and the silence that’s been surrounding it all… And finally I feel relieved…
© Elena Levon, 2008
You know what? I am a Queen! Yes, I was, I mean I am! Until someone will actually see that and treat me accordingly, I’ll continue being the creature that I am and I will lie to you and I’ll play my chess with your minds, thanks to all the teachers that I had — they polished my mind to perfection, but with so many flaws, yes the flaws!
What?! You’re still not in love with them?! Well then, try harder! The cloud of innocence is gone and sometimes the road slips away… I see too much, right through you, but what you see is only dust…
I shall not be seen as dust! I’ll rebel and scream! I pity you, all of you!!! Yes, I’ve lost my crown on my travels, but I’ll get it back and when I do — all you will ever be to me is dust.
© Elena Levon, 2007
This is me — the way I am, not the way you want to see me. Why do we spend so much time and energy desperately trying to be accepted and adored by everybody? Lie because others can’t handle the truth, smile because they are not interested in your tears, it doesn’t arouse them as much.
I close my eyes, searching for that music in their hearts — it’s dull and empty. I don’t want to be sweet , cute or even likable! If you’re disgusted by my words or actions, tell me so and I’ll smile, because I’m disgusted by yours.
Now we found a mutual ground to stand on that is honest and with much more substance to it. What color are my eyes?… Look closer… closer – they are colored with sin, a shadow of pain and a stoke of fear …
Do you see that? No?! Well, good then, I don’t want you to! Just keep seeing the color brown – less penetrating to your heart! I’m not afraid to feel and love, but then hate, while drinking the juice of sin on their bodies full of despair and exhaustion, shaking of the unbearable warmth and begging for more.
Do you live like me? No! You never will, because if you do, they’ll hate you for loving life that much and for allowing yourself to be you – disgusting and infamous you. They are so good at covering up and laughing while sticking a knife in your back.
You know what? Spare the laughter! No need to waste it on me! Stab me already so I can go home and die, in my bed, alone, desperate for another gasp of air. Who do I blame? — No one! I’m just being me — Proud, selfish, weak, unlikable and infamous me…
…What color are my eyes?
© Elena Levon, 2007
I have a question! Oh yes, I do! And many more to come — Why do we let ourselves be fooled?
Exactly, day by day, they feed us and we eat their bullshit with a fulfilled smile on our face. We flip the channels in our minds from war that’s real onto sports and weather that’s less important! – To whom? To you? To me?…
Or to that guy, who’s no longer here, who died and never coming back, but why? For what? He will never kiss his mother, his dad will never look at him with that loving smile and with tears of pride deep within his eyes.
That same guy, whose face or name I do not know, will never hear the sweet laughter of his unborn child. All those graves with crosses–which should be replaced with question marks– will be visited by lonely winds, aching hearts and desperate tears…
I don’t want their names to vanish from the slippery surface of our minds! You say — “You’re mad!” Perhaps, but I’d rather live only a moment in madness than be blind and deaf for eternity.
© Elena Levon, December 2005
DARE TO WANT
I’ve wished for you! I saw you in my dreams so many, many times — was it a dream?! Well, of course it was! And yet, here you are in front of me in my bright reality and I can feel your loving breath, your lonely eyes and the crazy rhythm of your heart.
You are so close and yet so far away, but even so I dare to want! But wait, I can’t, I mean WE can’t! But can we dare to want? Do you have sins?… You say “too many!” — I’ll take them all, I’m not afraid to burn! We shared and whipped, we screamed and whispered in each others ear.
We’ve heard the lonely echo of each others hearts and yours is so fragile to the touch. I think you see that innocent, pure, carefree and almost angelic face within my soul. I did, I saw it all! I stood there naked in front of you — being shamelessly honest is such a relief!
Will they judge us? Oh, I’m sure they will, but even so, I dare to want! You didn’t ask and I refused to answer, you looked at me – I looked away, you were so silent and I was screaming out! You walked away – I didn’t stop you. I ran and you refused to hunt.
We’ve asked the same question with our eyes and both denied the answer! In the middle of the night, when it’s so cold and dark, when my desperate scream cuts the lonely air in half — I dare to want…
… Do you?
© Elena Levon, March 2006
MY SOUL IS NOT FOR SALE!
You sit there watching me — you’re so clean, yet incredibly dirty and irritating to my eyes — you’re in white shirt and expensive tie, which you think makes you so special and important. What r u doing here? What do u want?
I’m looking in your eyes – nothing — the only thing I can see is the lonely echo of your broken dreams, to which you are so desperately trying to hold on. I hate you so much right now and at the same time I feel sorry for you — the fact that every single day you walk on your pathetic thin and dull line, the idea of knowing that the next step is going to be the same as the last one is choking you.
With my eyes I ask you; – “So, to whom did u sell it? I bet u don’t even know the person that well. Is he or she as clean on the outside as you are? And I bet your nice suit, your big house, your warm pool (that u never use) is more than enough prize for it!?!” …Oh!…where is your ring?! — Put it back on would you Mr.!
Are you ashamed that I’ll find out or you scared to death to face the truth? I’m demanding — “I want my innocence back!” , forgive me, I meant my hand..” You scream out – “Can I buy your soul?!…Oh…I mean, may I buy you a drink?”
You know, we’re so alike and at the same time from two different worlds. I’m hurt too –don’t get me wrong — I too have the lonely, desperate sound in my heart, but I’d rather walk on the path of broken glass, fire and razors, which leads to greatness, then yours — secure, comfortable and “clean”. ..
…Tomorrow I’ll be here again and I’ll see another guy, actually strike that!
I’ll see only a blurry shadow of a guy, looking for his soul…
© Elena Levon 2006
I’m almost dead and yet alive,
I almost told you everything,
I almost learned not to wait for you
And forgot how to loose you,
I almost learned how to laugh through tears,
And almost forgot my fears.
Almost silent again,
Someone almost forgave me my sins,
I’m in the dark, almost screaming,
Almost touched your warm lips.
It’s funny how we try to survive,
I’m almost dead and yet alive.
© Elena Levon , January 2005
WINGS OF PEACE
Fly away, be free! Find peace, taste the air of freedom and warm us with the morning sun! Kiss me goodnight with the moonlight on my wet cheeks and when I’m falling, lend me one of your wings, so my soul won’t crash into pieces, that nobody wants anymore.
You will be flying amongst the strongest winds and swimming with the most powerful and brutal waves… You won’t feel no pain, no sorrow, No blood or tears, No scars or fears.
When I’m lonely and scared, I ask you to lie down next to me and warm my cold hands with your loving breath.
If I give up, crashed by reality and forced onto the ground, shaking and bleeding — you just come and take me in your arms, healing me with your angelic whisper. It will echo through my whole body, which will heal my heart and I’ll be saved.
At times when I’m happy and everything is good, still walk with me — taste my laughter, and my happiness. When it’s time for me to go — I’ll go… Somewhere, beyond this time and my imagination, I’ll be given those wings of peace.
I promise we will fly again! Side by side, into freedom and happiness!
So when it’s time for me to go, I’ll go…
© Elena Levon 2004
*** All information on this page is protected by Copyright Laws and cannot be reproduced in any manner without prior permission of the author. If you would like to use any of the following contents, please send a request.
*** Comments closed***