A good writer is one who knows how to write with his soul, not his mind. A good writer/artist is one who has truly lived, loved and lost.. A good writer is one who’s words penetrate the very core of his readers.. the part of the soul, they don’t talk about, but feel.. the things readers think about before closing their eyes at night and hide under masks during waking hours.. such are the works of art.. they can be read for centuries to come and every breathing soul will relate to every stain of ink left on paper. If the artist have not walked barefoot on burning coals, his canvas will be lifeless. ~ Elena Levon
Aged wine flows through your veins in such a manner, that you begin to laugh at those, who are foolish enough to hold on to youth at all costs…
The beauty and charm of a quiet, yet strong gaze… in it, you get lost…
The simple yet confident style… without glitter and chaos, but with burning passion, unbreakable strength and honest smile…
Graceful and slow walk of the one, who lived and loved and lost…
Who flown so high and crashed so deep,
Who even crawled at times with numbing pain and guilt…
Then danced, laughed, touched infinite freedom and peace…
What is left?… How does it taste?… How does it feel?…
How does it feel on your lips and between your bones, when we kiss?…
17 September 2017 © Elena Levon
–– “Throw her into fire! She’s a witch!”
-–– “Even after you burn me into dust, my laughter will continue shaking universes into infinity” – Through the loud and incomparable laugh, she yelled out to those, who dared to put a wooden cross on her window …
September 2017 © Elena Levon
Travel is about the people you get to meet and the moments you get to share with them… Travel is about dissolving and melting with the soil your dusty boots stand on…
It’s about the courage, love and lightness you are able to bring to someone else’s heart…
Souls, roads, laughter, tears, oceans, seas, fire, passion, deserts, natural sounds, scents, instincts, dance, jungles, winds, sun, air, love, mountains, rain, moon, stars, infinity and silence…
They are all my home…
The are all my priceless treasures…
Let There Always Be A Road…
August 2017 © Elena Levon
“JE SUIS TOUT“
(I Am Everything)
I make love to life.
I have no regrets.
The only thing one needs to be afraid of in this life is fear itself… Banish it, lock it up and throw away the key. Fear has no place in the heart full of passion, freedom and love.
All that will be left of me is my passion… All that will be remembered is my dance…
All that will matter is that I loved… All those things will travel on…
They will gallop on dusty roads of eternity into the hearts of those, who are brave enough to let go of fear, who will strip their souls raw and breathe passion into their veins…
August 2017 © Elena Levon
“ROAD TO HAPPINESS“
I am grateful for everything and everyone that/who made me experience pain, suffering, anger, failure, struggle, death… Thank you! All those things brought me to me… to the core.. when all the layers torn away with meat, bone and blood, what remains is endless, unbreakable, powerful energy at it’s purest form… It has no beginning and no end…
Real true LIFE and LIVING begins on the other side of your understanding of this world and yourself…
Those “understandings” and “ideas” were programmed into your mind from childhood… by school, family, society… But those ideas and understandings have nothing to do with what real happiness and freedom is.
Thankfully all my life I got C’s and D’s at schools and never listened to anyone… Only to my core.. only to my instincts.. Like a wild jaguar in the Amazonian jungle.. only the instincts, senses and intuition.. nothing else… All those things are the only things breathing, living and dancing between my bones…
I was born wild and free and I shall leave this world unchanged.
Don’t be afraid to ravage, rebel and break free from all the fake ideas, meanings and rules…
Behind them lives your happiness…
July 2017 © Elena Levon
Woman’s power is in her “womanness”, not in her manness… A lion doesn’t scream about the fact how strong and powerful he is.. he just is. Its the kind of power and magnetism, that lives between your bones.. I enjoy being a Woman.. not a woman, who is trying to outdo a man.. why? There’s no need for that.. Not for me. I like being feminine and enjoy getting older.. I have no need to be young and “hip” or “cool” or whatever else. True power of a woman is quiet .. its not in the things she says or tries to show.. its in the things she does.. the things she believes in, the creativity that she brings to her life and the life of the ones she loves.
True power is in accepting your weaknesses and letting both melodies exist. Softness always wins over hardness .. always. The feminine and masculine , the yin/yang.. we have all of those things in us… The secret is to let them be, without killing one or the other within yourself. Just let them be and blossom into the power that you already posses.
At the end of the day I’m just a woman/girl/child/student who is so fortunate to have incredible support from people who love me… without them I’m nothing.. they support my dreams, they lift me up when I fall and stand by me through thick and thin… When I was 19 and came to US alone with a grand in my pocket, I thought “I can do it all by myself, just fine”… I was wrong… You’re going nowhere without people who take a chance on you.. who regardless of all your bat-shit crazy ways, kiss your wounds and support your dreams, be it in financial way, moral support or both…
I had to learn to like people.. I had to learn to ask for help, I had to learn to yield, when necessary. I had to apologize to many and make peace with my own chaos…
June 2017 © Elena Levon
“Прелюдия к Безумию“
(My first written poem in Russian language)
Раствориться и закрыть дверь реальности и фальши, Погружаясь в безумство наших ночей…
Без слов, без прикрас и масок… Разрушить шахматную игру своей страстью…
Какая разница из чьих уст выскользнут слова “Check-mate!”…
В миг когда его руки удушливо-страстно сомкнуться на ее шее, а ее укус на его плече, настолько сладок и дик, то будет уже совсем не важно, кто одержал победу над кем…
Первые лучи солнца целовали их голые, покорные и измотанные друг-другом тела и души… Они медленно и нехотя тащили обратно ферзей и пешки из стран грехов, с песка страстей, из лавы огненных очей…
Начиналась новая игра…
— “Смелее! Смелее же! Делайте Ваши ставки, Дамы и Господа!… Кто же в этот раз, первым потеряет ферзя? Будет ли крах или снова ничья ?”
15/04/2017 © Elena Levon
You know, I am unable to have children…
And I don’t want to have my own… So we’re good there..
Life and me we’re good there…
We shook hands on it, gave each other a wink and laughed…
Ladies and Gents… No need for pity!
My art are my children…
Every photograph (in front/behind the camera), every poem, every painting I posed for, every story, every word, every dance –– They are my kids…
Every child I made was with so much love and passion…
It would be foolish to make them without those things… foolish and unnecessary.
I hope they will bring joy, laughter and maybe even help someone in a way or inspire…
Don’t we all wish our children did just that?…
April 2017 © Elena Levon
“LIFE IN FRONT OF THE LENS”
In every photograph I leave a piece of my soul… it will continue to burn…
Burn through the pages of my scars…
Through every wrinkle…
Through aged face, tired smile and open wounds.
The wounds without bandages…
They are open, free and alive…
January 2017 © Elena Levon
“THE COST OF FAME”
You know why she would never be an “A list” anything? … Well, it’s simple folks… she danced barefoot on tables, without fear of ruining her hair, dress or reputation… She had no fear.. she lived in one moment and in that moment was her whole life…
She always spoke her mind, refused to shave her armpits and loved hard liquor, not an apple martini. She spend all her cash not on diamonds or clothes, but plane tickets. She laughed loud and cried just as loud… she could be very classy at times.. but her wild soul would just come roaring out.. it was unstoppable .. such was her spirit…
It was not meant to shmooz and beg and blow smoke up producers ass 24/7 indefinitely, to get work.. She made her peace with that.. She was happy to live life and create art untamed and on her terms..
And when she stepped barefoot on tables or pianos, to dance to hot Latin tunes, she didn’t have to think about what was going to be in the papers next morning… she was truly free… and very happy that she made the right choice in life – to honor her soul above all else.
January 2017 © Elena Levon
(Written after Golden Globes exclusive and extremely private A-list “after party” at the infamous Chateau Marmont hotel, where I danced barefoot on top of the main piano.)
“TOBACCO-VANILLE, LACE AND HUNGER”
She put on her signature perfume and walked out of her apartment…
The driver downstairs was already waiting for her in the car. He was to take her to the famous Cigar Bar in the center of Manhattan, where someone was already pouring her one very Dirty Gin Martini…
“Do I smell naked?..” – was the first and only question she wanted to ask him… “
Almost… I smell Tobacco-Vanille, your lace and your hunger…” – He replied.
He paid for the drinks, without ever having the need to break the eye contact, took her forcefully, yet calmly by the hand and she obediently followed him all the way to the exit door…
She secretly craved for someone to just “tell her” what to do, without the fear of loosing her. Her Extra Dirty Martini remained on the bar counter… half empty…
November 2016 © Elena Levon
“FIRE AND ASH”
“So where is the devil now?.. “ — He asked her cautiously ..
“Sometimes he walks beside me and gently holds my hand..” — She replied with such tenderness towards the question and his own soul, that he unknowingly took another step towards his own oblivion, which was seductively hiding within the softest fog of her silence.”
On a stage of life, one must continue dancing, even when music is replaced by the sweet bondage of silence, that hangs heavily in the air and standing ovations checkmated by the echo of an empty Theatre. To stop that dance would be an irreversible punishment to the Theatre of ones soul. The truth can never be taught, only experienced and that truth sings loudest, once surrendered to the fall. To fall on stage is a true blessing, which is disguised as a curse.
09/09/2016 © Elena Levon
“WHAT IS LOVE?”
“Find what you love and let it kill you…”
A wicked mind once said…
Are those words of a wise man or a fool?
How dare you suggest such happiness and sorrow?
How dare you take away my will?
How dare you stand so far and watch me take off my armor and yield it to their feet?
How foolishly wise of you, Mr. How foolishly wise…
Piece by piece, layer after layer…
First the fear, then, the pride,
And now I stand bare — all that I am, inside all that you are…
To go all in and to lose.
The higher they let you fly,
The more exquisitely grand you shall fall.
You say, that it’s all up to me and that I should choose…
Would you be willing to be so vulnerable and naked?
Would you dance on knives, while your feet bled?
Would you cover the wounds or let them burn?
Would you let them kill you?
I raise my glass to my dismay and to your victory!
I’m painting masterpieces with my toes — pinkish-red, like those roses of Van Gogh…
They will fade with time, you know?
The scars will heal, even if my soul will not.
Let me kiss the hand that feeds, then lulls to sleep.
Let me run through shattered echoes of my sanity — swept away into some other reality.
Let me drift away into the madness of us…
And then quietly, with a smile, stab my heart…
My arms are open,
I no longer hide.
Take that knife and tango me one last time.
To have loved so deeply, to have danced so freely,
To have lost myself so passionately…
Not in vain…
What is love?
On one side of a coin —
Letting them kill you and loving them even more…
On the other —
Love is knowing you have the power to kill yet choosing not to.
04/09/2016 © Elena Levon
I pulled up at one of the posh Beverly Hills hotels for a drink. Walked down a beautiful palace-like lobby and noticed a very strange, upscale gathering. Gorgeous people and models everywhere, famous actors and fashion designers. There was someone giving a speech, everyone was listening intently and clapping passionately. Then a beautiful tall woman in a gown approached me and asked me to follow her. Her sparkling gown lead the way into a beautiful courtyard… she showed me with a very elegant gesture the way I should go, she smiled, turned around and went back into the direction of the gathering in the hotel. “What a very fluid, perfected and transcendent reality” I thought. When I looked towards the gardens, I noticed an iron fence all around it and a huge camp, that looked like a military base… I walked into it and saw bunk beds that filled the whole space. They looked identical with green and white bedding. Saw only women here, they were all dressed the same — very mannequin-like, same outfits, same walk, same eye expressions. They talked in low volume, almost whispering…
Most of them looked like they just came off from the cover of Vogue magazine, some were older women, but all of them had the same expressionless manner about them. A kind of nonchalant existence and constant talk of beauty, age, skin perfection etc.. I placed my purse on one of the bunk beds, and was given by a woman who looked like a fashion model the exact same grey and white outfit to put on and told to hand her my evening dress. I quietly asked her what this place was and she said in very matter of fact tone of voice “Oh, don’t you know? This is a “How To Beat Death” camp and convention, haven’t you been briefed? These are all volunteers of our program”. Cold sweat appeared on my forehead and I started quickly gathering my things. “Are you people all insane? Why would you want to beat death??!!” – I pleaded with these mannequin-like expressions. They all looked like robots, not living, breathing souls anymore. “Why would you want to make every moment of your life not special? Don’t you understand that life is only special because there is death at the end of it, why would you want to change that!!?” – I yelled at them, trying to wake them up.
Tears filled my eyes. I took my purse and rushed out of the camp. As I was running out a woman in her 50’s screamed “I have cancer and that is why I’m here!!” – “So what?!! I have pretty bad health myself and so? That doesn’t make me want to become a lab rat for billionaires out there in the ballroom, in who’s hands you put your soul. They don’t care about you or your cancer, don’t you get it? Wake up!! all of you wake up!!” As I screamed those words, laughter filled the camp grounds and continued until I reached the ballroom inside the hotel. As I walked past the convention in the ballroom towards the exit, people were whispering and pointing their disapproving diamond-drip fingers in my direction and shaking their heads at what they were told happened inside the camp grounds. I turned around and broke the silence – “How to beat death? Really? Have you all gone mad? Why would anyone want to live forever?? Wake up people!! Wake up!!” I was crying and screaming “Wake up” all the way to the exit door…
As it snapped closed, tears were running down my cheeks, I continued to beat on the door with my hands with great sadness, shock and tormented soul, with a scream that got quieter and quieter, almost a whisper now… “Wake up! Please wake up! You have to wake up!”…
and so I did…
May 2016 © Elena Levon
From salt to blood,
Within a cage, without air, within a silent agony.
Raging in lies and smiles of the past,
I served the purpose, her purpose.
It is her story, I was only a tool.
The pain inside without a cause.
Her cause, her pain, inside my nameless shadow.
I will be lost within the wind of sorrow.
My aching bones and shattered dreams,
Without a place and name.
Just a footprint of a soul without flesh, without a home.
Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, no one to follow.
Burning through the pages of a story, her story.
Destroying without regret,
To love and to hate,
To walk the plank into oblivion – that’s my fate.
My ugly beauty and beautiful ugliness,
My battered soul, my dusty shoes,
My tears and blood of my inner child.
My journey on this endless road.
We will dance barefoot on shattered glass, on shattered dreams.
We will be remembered and then forgotten.
We will kiss the tears of our unborn child.
We will rise like Phoenix, we will break free!
I will climb the highest mountain,
I will not look down,
I will not turn the other cheek,
I will not bow down!
One more step,
One last breath,
One last laugh…
I am free at last!
10/27/2015 © Elena Levon
In stillness we sense our soul
In silence we hear answers
In breath we come alive
In death we get back to stillness…
7/8/2015 © Elena Levon
Thick air is wrapping me whole in its web of the night.
The tingly rum has danced on my melting tongue.
A strong hand, pulled me even closer to the yin and yang.
Cutting through my iron ropes, it traveled through waves of the past.
It tickled my savage nerves, making me helpless, weightless and blind.
Then finally released me into the abyss without the mask.
Dancing on razors,
Flying through time.
Breathless, raw, naked and wild.
6/19/2015 © Elena Levon
I have tried with passion to make you believe you meant nothing for me,
I wanted to hurt you for feeling the things I feel, I wanted you to suffer and kneel.
I poured the poison in your glass and poured some wine in mine,
You looked through my eyes and made me forget my past and my guilt.
“I see you, you know? You can never hide.”
How dare he read my mind! You will regret this soon. I want you to die!
He has consumed me whole and robbed me of my pride.
I want to destroy his sleep, his mind, to starve him and make him blind.
After his glass is empty, I will finally be free without regret.
Escape this torture, rescue back my heart that was trapped in his net.
You have made me loose my mind, I’m sleep deprived, exhausted and covered in sweat.
Still don’t know what’s best; arsenic in your blood or a bullet in your head.
You will suffer greatly and I will laugh through tears.
I will kiss your hands, whisper in your ear and bite your neck.
No man is allowed to travel through me without my consent.
You have no right! Drink up and don’t beg!
“I want you to know, that you have the power to kill”
I will not let him chain me to himself, but tell me I’m still free.
One last look, one last kiss, his fiery eyes I will always miss.
His lions soul, his scent and the madness of his kiss.
“Look at that sunset, it reminds me of us, it burns like fire through all living souls so fast”
“Yes, it leaves the scars on it’s prey, does it again and again, each and every day”
“Let’s raise our glasses and drink to our own private hell and dismay”
I knew all along, I will never be his. But I have to be brave!
No! Why should I live, if he will no longer be here?
I picked up his glass, took his poison and sadness filled my eyes with tears.
“What have you done?!! How will I ever be able to go on?”
“When you are ready to leave, you know where to find me…”
“I will be running with wild horses, happy, ageless and free”
“My love, for you,
I would drink all the poison,
Catch all the bullets, burn alive
And die silently without a fear.”
06/29/2015 © Elena Levon
DANCING WITH THE DEVIL
All my life I chased the freedom. I left behind all faith In God.
I was hungry for a different Kingdom, with a different kind of Lord.
I was falling deep within the chaos and did not want to return.
Bruised and scarred, but never concurred I stood fearlessly while being burned.
We both have sinned, lied, destroyed and cheated.
We laughed at fate and played with fire.
We stomped on hearts without shame and reason.
We burned the pages of our youth and ran on broken glass, undefeated.
One glance, one dance, one kiss, then Silence…
Who are you? Why now? Why me?
We knew the answer, we knew each others same scent of violence.
You and Me and the Devil makes three…
Both defeated, both are punished.
We are losing balance, our minds and freedom.
Our fear, pain, anger and bruises, all have vanished.
We have finally found our very own Garden of Eden.
I no longer need the freedom. I no longer need a name.
I no longer search for Kingdom and no longer feel the shame.
I don’t need to choose religion, I don’t need to play that game.
Now we only have the hunger and each other as our prey.
I surrendered to our chaos, to the color of our souls.
I no longer need the poison, I no longer laugh at fate.
I’m forever lost inside Inferno, there, I found myself and youth.
Have you ever danced with Devil?
Have you ever fallen through?
I found myself…
01/19/2015 © Elena Levon
BEHIND THE MASK
Rage, fear, emptiness and yearning. Yearning for what might be, but never will.
Yearning to escape the lie and to take off the mask.
To forget and disappear into our lust.
To feel, to learn, to forget and remember. The madness, the truth and the madness in truth.
Like a trapped wild beast, from one corner to the other, panting, raging, scratching and slowly dying with each kiss.
My solo swan song is tearing through sheets, clothes and air,
Running through darkness, with unforgiving shadows from my past, into despair.
Bewilderment and agony, hungrily smashed into our private ecstasy.
Private yet publicly laughed at, hidden, yet exposed to the core.
Sipping shame and devouring lust. Ashamed yet proud. Yes, shamelessly and fearlessly proud.
Proud of my wickedness and chaos. I’d rather die in ugly truth, than live chained to their lies.
Choices, chances, empty glances. Life is just an illusion? Yes, I know. it is…
But how do you travel from illusion into a dream? You, know, The Dream… Which road do you take?
I’d rather dream and never wake up, with eyes wide open or shut, while raising my cup full of blood.
What does Lucifer yearn for? Same things as me?
Through the drunken sleepless fog, I will try to remember and forget, forget that I have to wake up.
Forget that it’s only a dream, forget that none of this is real.
Succumbing to debauchery and raging against deceit. I invite you to my fearlessly naked Ball,
A man or a woman, come here and forget all that is wrong.
Forget your fears, let go of your pride and prejudice, which kills. Ravish me, burn with me, tango me, stare at me, scratch me and bruise me…
Don’t be afraid, remember – it’s only a dream…
But when you wake up, the truth might make you so ill, that it will drag you all the way up on a cross and kill.
I will cry for you and us, while driving the last nail into your heart. Don’t blame me,
Blame the dream and the yearning for it or me. Don’t be surprised… I told you; I’m driven by instincts.
Never by morals, sweet lies or gimmicks.. But by raw, primal, unattainable music within the dream.
You saw me without a mask, or maybe you just saw yet another one underneath the last…
The Ball is over, cut yourself away, slip on your mask, travel far,
Far away from me, dive back into the illusion and pretend that you’re free.
What do you yearn for, My Dear Mask? Same things as me?
I yearn for truth, for choking truth, within one moment.
I yearn to stand fearlessly naked, lost, vulnerable, with or without the hatred.
I yearn for our dream, in which you make love to my soul and take me far beyond the extreme.
I yearn to take off your Mask…
And for you, to just rip off mine
06/1/2014 © Elena Levon
“Was it worth it?” they will later ask.
Every moment spent near your breath, your truth, love, even cruelty of your game.
Every second, every tear and aching sound that took it all away.
Every kiss, every curse, every sleepless night and endless day.
Every lie and laugh that will soon fade away.
Every silence and cry of my soul.
Every glance and my scent that you stole.
Every thirsty dream, painfully awakened scream and our original sin.
Every joyful hello and proud goodbye.
I lost myself, most of my pride and all of my fear.
Our lustful song is all I can hear.
You are all that I crave, even if it’s just in a cave, clothed in a mask of a slave.
I can only be fed by this sin, my hunger and thirst only you have the strength to save.
To know you exist is more than enough.
I don’t even mind mixing insanity with our blood and laugh.
If you want, you can even be rough.
You can have my mind, body, soul and heart to be put in a cuff.
“Was it worth it ?” …
Always will be…
12/16/2013 © Elena Levon
LESSONS PEOPLE TAUGHT ME
If you want to hear the truth ~ Listen to your heart.
If you want to fly ~ Don’t be afraid to break your wings.
If you want to forgive ~ Ask for forgiveness.
If you want to be a good dancer ~ Dance with your soul, not your feet.
If you want to get to the top ~ You have to touch the bottom.
If you want to be free ~ Don’t lie to yourself.
If you want to heal ~ Cry, Laugh, Breathe & Let go.
If you want to be rich ~ Help someone.
If you want to find You ~ Get lost.
If you want to learn ~ Change.
If you want to feel loved ~ Love.
If you want to be happy ~ Be.
02/07/2013 © Elena Levon
Time has stopped.
Crowds, chaos, voices.
So many faces,
So many echo’s
So many places.
Except one face…
Except one echo…
Except one place…
Among the crowds we are lost,
But my eyes still hope to see yours.
I search for your face in so many masks…
But they just laugh at us.
They laugh, because I will never belong to you…
I never do.
If we shall never find eternity,
I ask for only 3 things;
One Face – Yours
One Echo – Ours
One Place – Now…
12/23/2012 © Elena Levon
A cat-like shadow emerges from darkness.
Slowly making her way to the feast…
Her gracefully independent solo walk is a seductive dance, of an untamed beast.
Wrapped in mystery and broken promises,
She’s leaving behind intoxicating cloud of exotic scents…
Vanille, sandalwood, spices, tobacco, lace and incense.
She hears men trying to get her attention…
But doesn’t look in their direction.
She’s being led by the invisible string of the night…
The only thing she sees,
Is a lustful, decadent and chaotic light…
© Elena Levon 12/12/12
With every passing second I’m trying to survive in this burning web of memories..
I ran away because it was too much..
Too much, yet not enough, never enough.. it will never be enough.
How can I live .. how will I breathe in this?
How can anyone survive through this?
Dancing through jealousy and lust, diving into love and hate, while crying our way through pain and pleasure..
Take it back… I beg you, take it all back.. just let me go…
Erase, unlive, forget!
Let’s just forget, I know you can, you have to try … I did – I forgot everything!
It set me free, you see;
I forgot us in Yesterday ~
Our breath, that is carried on by the unbearable heat,
Your scent and touch on my skin,
Your impatient and strong hand touching my lace,
Fighting through fearless chaos into some peaceful place.
I forgot us in Today ~
Twisting my whole being in knots just with your words,
I forgot how you live under my skin;
Somewhere between my veins, soul, heart and sin..
And I forgot us in Tomorrow ~
Giving into truth with passion… Drinking the poison and giving into sin..
Getting drunk, but not from the gin.
We free fall from all acceptable laws and forms,
Tasting the sweet and sour, swirling on devil’s horns.
Our love is unacceptable and rude,
It’s kinky, volatile, hanging on a string of insanity and fearlessly nude.
I am now free!
© Elena Levon. November 2011
OUR TIMELESS PASSION
Always… Like fire, your soul in my veins and mine in yours– it’s you and me inside our burning desire. Our thoughts and breath are like an orchestrated unison which tears this cruel web of night apart– it’s like an arrow, rushing straight into the depth of my heart. Touch, love, lust.
We are breaking the rules and reaching new heights. It has captured me whole within its red ocean of lights. I can taste this sweet torment of uncontrollable yearning for you. Believe me, I have tried so hard to fight and rebel, but then I gave in to this unbearable warmth, because it’s so true.
Our melted bodies and souls got twisted in a tango of scent which flows from one shade to the next, making me unconscious, free and more like myself. We boldly dance with our naked truth, searching beyond the comfort, far from lies, diving together into timeless youth.
I feel free with you…Always…We can be weak, silent or reckless. I’m not afraid anymore to sin or drown in this endless search for more. At that moment when time stood still, when tears of pleasure cascaded from my cheek, once our heat had reached the highest peak and when our sounds created a song…that’s when our burning passion was born.
It lives within me now, waiting for you. Touch, love, lust. Your whisper alone is like a taboo! It’s a fragile and tense string between me and you…
© Elena Levon, July 2009
A FROZEN MOMENT
I feel so light, almost suspended in air, like a frozen ball of sugar so sweet and tempting. I feel alive…
yes, for the first time in months I feel alive! It seems right now that time has stopped… I begged and it has stopped for me.I don’t have the weakening desperation in my knees that’s driving all the veins into one tense nerve.
I’m almost embarrassed of this feeling, because it’s such a sweet cotton, that’s wrapped me in it’s arms and there’s no pain or urge for anything… I’m just am, in this second… I love this second! I’m not rushing to the next cloud of unsureness and I’m not running away either, it’s like something finally found a peaceful shell inside of my body, mind, soul and all of my senses are reborn.
Strange, I looked at myself and it was like someone else was looking at me; with no heavy judgement, but with strange acceptance of one’s reflection and it’s fountain of life. No past, no future, but with now — this moment frozen in time for me to feel at peace, with all of my shadows and the silence that’s been surrounding it all… And finally I feel relieved…
© Elena Levon, 2008
You know what? I am a Queen! Yes, I was, I mean I am! Until someone will actually see that and treat me accordingly, I’ll continue being the creature that I am and I will lie to you and I’ll play my chess with your minds, thanks to all the teachers that I had — they polished my mind to perfection, but with so many flaws, yes the flaws!
What?! You’re still not in love with them?! Well then, try harder! The cloud of innocence is gone and sometimes the road slips away… I see too much, right through you, but what you see is only dust…
I shall not be seen as dust! I’ll rebel and scream! I pity you, all of you!!! Yes, I’ve lost my crown on my travels, but I’ll get it back and when I do — all you will ever be to me is dust.
© Elena Levon, 2007
This is me — the way I am, not the way you want to see me. Why do we spend so much time and energy desperately trying to be accepted and adored by everybody? Lie because others can’t handle the truth, smile because they are not interested in your tears, it doesn’t arouse them as much.
I close my eyes, searching for that music in their hearts — it’s dull and empty. I don’t want to be sweet , cute or even likable! If you’re disgusted by my words or actions, tell me so and I’ll smile, because I’m disgusted by yours.
Now we found a mutual ground to stand on that is honest and with much more substance to it. What color are my eyes?… Look closer… closer – they are colored with sin, a shadow of pain and a stoke of fear …
Do you see that? No?! Well, good then, I don’t want you to! Just keep seeing the color brown – less penetrating to your heart! I’m not afraid to feel and love, but then hate, while drinking the juice of sin on their bodies full of despair and exhaustion, shaking of the unbearable warmth and begging for more.
Do you live like me? No! You never will, because if you do, they’ll hate you for loving life that much and for allowing yourself to be you – disgusting and infamous you. They are so good at covering up and laughing while sticking a knife in your back.
You know what? Spare the laughter! No need to waste it on me! Stab me already so I can go home and die, in my bed, alone, desperate for another gasp of air. Who do I blame? — No one! I’m just being me — Proud, selfish, weak, unlikable and infamous me…
…What color are my eyes?
© Elena Levon, 2007
I have a question! Oh yes, I do! And many more to come — Why do we let ourselves be fooled?
Exactly, day by day, they feed us and we eat their bullshit with a fulfilled smile on our face. We flip the channels in our minds from war that’s real onto sports and weather that’s less important! – To whom? To you? To me?…
Or to that guy, who’s no longer here, who died and never coming back, but why? For what? He will never kiss his mother, his dad will never look at him with that loving smile and with tears of pride deep within his eyes.
That same guy, whose face or name I do not know, will never hear the sweet laughter of his unborn child. All those graves with crosses–which should be replaced with question marks– will be visited by lonely winds, aching hearts and desperate tears…
I don’t want their names to vanish from the slippery surface of our minds! You say — “You’re mad!” Perhaps, but I’d rather live only a moment in madness than be blind and deaf for eternity.
© Elena Levon, December 2005
DARE TO WANT
I’ve wished for you! I saw you in my dreams so many, many times — was it a dream?! Well, of course it was! And yet, here you are in front of me in my bright reality and I can feel your loving breath, your lonely eyes and the crazy rhythm of your heart.
You are so close and yet so far away, but even so I dare to want! But wait, I can’t, I mean WE can’t! But can we dare to want? Do you have sins?… You say “too many!” — I’ll take them all, I’m not afraid to burn! We shared and whipped, we screamed and whispered in each others ear.
We’ve heard the lonely echo of each others hearts and yours is so fragile to the touch. I think you see that innocent, pure, carefree and almost angelic face within my soul. I did, I saw it all! I stood there naked in front of you — being shamelessly honest is such a relief!
Will they judge us? Oh, I’m sure they will, but even so, I dare to want! You didn’t ask and I refused to answer, you looked at me – I looked away, you were so silent and I was screaming out! You walked away – I didn’t stop you. I ran and you refused to hunt.
We’ve asked the same question with our eyes and both denied the answer! In the middle of the night, when it’s so cold and dark, when my desperate scream cuts the lonely air in half — I dare to want…
… Do you?
© Elena Levon, March 2006
MY SOUL IS NOT FOR SALE!
You sit there watching me — you’re so clean, yet incredibly dirty and irritating to my eyes — you’re in white shirt and expensive tie, which you think makes you so special and important. What r u doing here? What do u want?
I’m looking in your eyes – nothing — the only thing I can see is the lonely echo of your broken dreams, to which you are so desperately trying to hold on. I hate you so much right now and at the same time I feel sorry for you — the fact that every single day you walk on your pathetic thin and dull line, the idea of knowing that the next step is going to be the same as the last one is choking you.
With my eyes I ask you; – “So, to whom did u sell it? I bet u don’t even know the person that well. Is he or she as clean on the outside as you are? And I bet your nice suit, your big house, your warm pool (that u never use) is more than enough prize for it!?!” …Oh!…where is your ring?! — Put it back on would you Mr.!
Are you ashamed that I’ll find out or you scared to death to face the truth? I’m demanding — “I want my innocence back!” , forgive me, I meant my hand..” You scream out – “Can I buy your soul?!…Oh…I mean, may I buy you a drink?”
You know, we’re so alike and at the same time from two different worlds. I’m hurt too –don’t get me wrong — I too have the lonely, desperate sound in my heart, but I’d rather walk on the path of broken glass, fire and razors, which leads to greatness, then yours — secure, comfortable and “clean”. ..
…Tomorrow I’ll be here again and I’ll see another guy, actually strike that!
I’ll see only a blurry shadow of a guy, looking for his soul…
© Elena Levon 2006
I’m almost dead and yet alive,
I almost told you everything,
I almost learned not to wait for you
And forgot how to loose you,
I almost learned how to laugh through tears,
And almost forgot my fears.
Almost silent again,
Someone almost forgave me my sins,
I’m in the dark, almost screaming,
Almost touched your warm lips.
It’s funny how we try to survive,
I’m almost dead and yet alive.
© Elena Levon , January 2005
WINGS OF PEACE
Fly away, be free! Find peace, taste the air of freedom and warm us with the morning sun! Kiss me goodnight with the moonlight on my wet cheeks and when I’m falling, lend me one of your wings, so my soul won’t crash into pieces, that nobody wants anymore.
You will be flying amongst the strongest winds and swimming with the most powerful and brutal waves… You won’t feel no pain, no sorrow, No blood or tears, No scars or fears.
When I’m lonely and scared, I ask you to lie down next to me and warm my cold hands with your loving breath.
If I give up, crashed by reality and forced onto the ground, shaking and bleeding — you just come and take me in your arms, healing me with your angelic whisper. It will echo through my whole body, which will heal my heart and I’ll be saved.
At times when I’m happy and everything is good, still walk with me — taste my laughter, and my happiness. When it’s time for me to go — I’ll go… Somewhere, beyond this time and my imagination, I’ll be given those wings of peace.
I promise we will fly again! Side by side, into freedom and happiness!
So when it’s time for me to go, I’ll go…
© Elena Levon 2004
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