Inside A Soft Cocoon Of Infinite Silence
“If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial. If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked. If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die. If you want to be given everything, give everything up.” ~ Tao Te Ching
27. 09 . 16 Chiang Mai, Thailand
Steve – I had a premonition about you before you came here. I was actually very exited to meet you and expecting someone who people call “chica loca” or someone very upbeat and passionate .. but not what I saw. You were in some sort of “soft cocoon” when I picked you up. You were silent and did not talk much at all. And when I asked you what you need, you replied you “needed nothing” and I said yes, when you need nothing, you realize you have everything…
Me – Yes, and after you said that we all laughed… When you picked me up, you picked up a “body”. Something that people call “soul” or some other name, was not there.. it was in a different place, observing everything and very much whole, at peace and in oneness with everything and everyone. Nothing mattered.
Steve – Yeah… when I asked you if you needed a bike, you said that you’re learning how to walk. You were very quite and “not there” sort of speak. I have studied all my life this type of state and people who experience it. I was in a similar state but only a few moments. Some people get similar state when they are on some specific drugs. How long were you there? And what happened?
Me – Well.. every second of my life has brought me here… I don’t do drugs and I never really researched that sort of thing. I was in that state for about a week maybe less. Felt that you’re cat, Walter, by the way, brought that “thing” that was observing everything out-of-body back, the first morning after I arrived. If I was to tell to people about the last 20 something days of my life, they would think I was on drugs or crazy. Maybe I will write about it someday, maybe not.
Steve – But now I can feel YOU are here… present.. if I was to describe you right now, you are like this water in this pool.. still, without rifles. So what now?
Me – I am at peace. There is no longer pain, agony or anger, guilt or urge for anything or anyone, no need, no need to prove, no need to compare, no desperation or concept of age and time. Concepts, ideas, duality, rules, symbols, truth or lies and everything else is no longer inside. Before I thought that I couldn’t live without something or someone and now I feel it was all an illusion. No longer controlled by anything or anyone, because I no longer control anything or anyone. It’s all just is and isn’t at the same time.
I belong to no one and everyone at the same time. I am and I am not. Numbers, names, words, “meanings” and duality of this world have lost its control over me. Feel like passion for life is coming back. I am experiencing everything for the first time and from a very different place, than before. It will be nice to explore this life and world without judgement. I do like to continue exploring and creating. It seems like what I create inspires people in one way or another or helps them get through a very dark time in their life. It makes me feel warm inside, that I can do that for someone.
Like today, for instance, YOU have inspired me to pick up this too crazy heavy piece of something we call camera and come take photographs of you, while listening to this beautiful Bulgarian song. You did that… not me. I think for the first time in my life, I know how “freedom” truly feels. I am not against anything and I am not for something, because if you are for something it means you are against everything else, that gives everything else more power. And I no longer feel that need to be against something or passionately stand for something else. The fire and passion will grow, but from a different place. However, this desperate, all-consuming, “Attachment” to anything or anyone, I am not sure about.. no need for it.
Steve – I am crying now and you can see my eyes are watery, not because of sadness.. it’s the opposite. It’s the music, you sitting here, your energy and knowing that I don’t have to say much… I don’t have to say “oh thanks so much for coming here, please come again” etc… we don’t have to say that to each other do we?..
Me – No, we don’t. And I will be back soon… you have met me at a very interesting time of my life Steve. You, this place, people whom I met here, like “Chacha” , everyone I met in this beautiful month of September, those amazing cats and the music you shared with me, that made me cry and send goosebumps all over my body — are all part of it. Thank you for sharing your soul and your home with me.