Dancing With Fear
by Lena
I have been restless lately; A few days ago, I bought my plane tickets to Morocco, Egypt & Turkey. Leaving at the end of March for my 28th Birthday. I have never felt fear of flying or traveling before. I do now though… It’s twisting all of my senses, feelings and mind into a wicked dance …
I want to begin by remembering this one amazing country that I have visited throughout my childhood, teenage years and now going back to, a whole decade later…
( where does the time go? .. )
It’s a beautiful country, full of history, culture with very kind and hospitable people. It is also home to the best coffee in the world. Oh, how I love Turkish coffee in the morning! My heart is full of memories that forever tie me to this land…
In the 90’s I was staying at this 3 now 4 star hotel near Kemer. But sometimes I would just pack a small backpack, get a couple of Turkish liras for snacks and go outside of the hotel to explore the surroundings; nature, people, cafes & 5 star hotels near by : ) ..
I would waltz in like nobody’s business, go to the pool area and pretend like I’m staying there .. I know, I know.. but hey, I just wanted to swim in a bigger pool, that’s all.
After a glorious day by the pool I would walk back to my hotel, along a dusty road surrounded by houses of locals and small cafes.
On one of those walks as I was enjoying exotic scents, summer wind and sounds of crickets, I heard a different sound.. It was a sound of loud music which was mixed with laughter, coming from the other side of the road.. of course, I had to cross the road and explore the sounds. And there they were ~ proud, colorful, larger than life, Gypsies.. playing on guitars, drinking, laughing and dancing.
They couldn’t believe when they saw a “tourist” kid by herself .. they invited me inside.. we danced, ate and laughed. I will never forget an old gypsy man sitting very quietly in a corner.. just watching.. he’s eyes told stories.. behind those wise, honest, dark eyes was a whole life. A life full of roads, dust, music and passion.
Women kept asking me how could a mother let her child wander around in a different country by herself.. They wanted to meet her. I tried to explain to them that since I could remember I was very independent and had no fear of life and people, because I’ve learned to trust both.
By the age of 7 I could get from point A to point B by metro in a crazy megapolis such as Moscow and take bus to my ballet classes, swimming & horseback riding, where at 9 I made my first money by cleaning stables and horses.. but guess what? I got to ride for free!
My mom was and still is, a working mother. Whenever she could, she would try to pick me up, but if she couldn’t, it wasn’t the end of the world and I happily walked to a bus stop by myself, listening to the peaceful sound of falling snow and watching how it shimmers from the moonlight.
I’m forever grateful to my mom for not smothering me and for not being overprotective.
Anyway, back to the Gypsies …
They insisted on walking me back to my hotel. And the next time I went to their place by the road, I invited my mom…
They couldn’t believe that in front of them was a tall, blonde woman with intimidatingly piercing green eyes.
No matter where I was in the world, I would always come back to visit Turkey.
The last time I was in Turkey it was in 2002. I traveled there with my Tourism & Hospitality business faculty for “Praktika” ( Internship ). We studied half of the time and the other half .. well .. you know.. sightseeing ..
This was my first international trip which was fully paid by my part-time modeling gigs. I was so proud.
It was also a time of my glorious rebellion; my first tattoo and the absolute worst taste in men. I’ve tried to hide my panther tattoo for as long as I could, but couldn’t fool my father for too long. He saw right through me.. always..
10 years after my last visit to Turkey, I’m going back. But that’s only half of the story…
… fear…
We had our ups and downs, we lived through pain, anger, loss, tears and a few years of complete silence. It’s been almost 9 years now …
9 long years since we last saw each other. We’re too stubborn and too proud. Anger and pain is too heavy of a burden to carry in your heart.. it slows you down and eats at you from inside. Someone has to take the first step.. it’s the hardest one you will ever take.
In order to forgive we have to ask for forgiveness.. there is no other way.. One must ask for forgiveness and then let it go..
I’m afraid of the unknown.. probably for the first time in my life.
I’m nervous, happy and exited. How do you begin to measure fear?.. What about happiness?..
I measure fear by the sound of an airplane landing and by walking out of an airport. I measure happiness by seeing her eyes again and by having her arms around me. No matter how different or similar we might be and regardless of the things that happened or didn’t happen in the past…
She is an extraordinary woman…
…she is and always will be
my mother.
~
We dreamed of soaring for millenia. Now, we either take it for granted or fear it. Kind of silly when you think of it from that point of view.
I can’t help reading your story from the start to the end. You really had a good moment of Life.
[…] Elena Levon’s Blog – An Adventure Worth Reading […]
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I thoroughly enjoyed working my way through yours. You are AMAZING!!!
I too prefer collecting memories instead of things!
Thank you Shelley, for your kind words. Glad to have you here : )
love & light to you and yours,
el
Reblogged this on My bimbalokid Blog.
Very nice and interesting story, I especially like the pictures, very vintage but not minder beautiful! Like a journey back in time. http://madrilicious.com
What an open and honest writer. I look forward to hearing your thoughts upon your return to these places. Always I feel apprehension going back somewhere I hold strong memories for. I suppose you just cannot be afraid, but be ready for the change and embrace it.
Thank you for your comment! Here’s to embracing the change! : )
love & light
el
This was a great post! I am very curious to see Turkey now, especially because it has delicious coffee as you say 🙂
Thanks for stopping in on my blog, and I very much look forward to reading more of yours!
Beautiful memories, I really envy your life:)
I love your writing. Perhaps we will cross paths someday. 🙂
perhaps .. ; )
el
This sounds wonderful! And your childhood is very reminiscent of my own independence. My dad has always favored experience over things, so I feel very lucky. After reading this, I would love to go to Turkey. I want to go just about everywhere, but I had never really had Turkey at the top of my list before your post. Thank you, and I hope you have amazing travels!
Awesome blog, I’m inspired to keep up with mine in South America now, I may even delve into the family albums!! 🙂
I absolutely love your reflection into the past to bring forth your current journey. It was a surprise to read your blog, when I saw that you had been to mine I was curious of who you were. Your story is so very honest and open. I love it. And seriously … lol what WERE you wearing? Just be thankful you weren’t born in the 70’s honey. The pants my Mom had me in, wow. 😉 Can’t wait to read more.
: )) this made me laugh.. thank you!
I actually wish I was living in Paris in the 1920’s .. I love the style and the music. When I go to Paris.. I will find the stairs that were in the “Midnight in Paris” film .. who knows what will happen .. it is Paris after all : )
love & light
el
A very beautiful story , thanks for sharing it.
I feel so fortunate to have read this post. Your writing is art. You speak truthfully and from the heart. Thank you for sharing your gift.
Thank you for such a beautiful compliment! I’m glad you enjoyed reading it. When one writes from the heart.. he can’t go wrong.. agree? ; ) .. he’s pretty “naked” and vulnerable, but at least not hiding behind some big words : )
people should tare down the walls between each other more often.. and stop building them with our own egos..
love & light to you and yours!
el
Please check your spam folder for an award nomination from The ObamaCrat.com
Today I nominated & gave you The Versatile Blogger Award. I like your blog and thought you deserved this award. If you choose to accept the Versatile Blogger Award, there are a few things you are required to do, to pass it forward. According to the requirements of the award you must:
• Nominate 15 other bloggers
• Inform my nominees
• Share 7 random facts about myself
• Thank the one who nominated me
• Add a picture of the award to this post
To see your blog included in the award ceremony just click here…
http://theobamacrat.com/2012/02/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/
I hope you enjoy the award and accept it and pass it forward.
Thank you Jueseppi, it’s very nice of you to include my blog. However I really am not good at this type of thing.
namaste
el
Namaste
Goodluck in re-connecting with your mom, and great posts and pictures!
And if you make it to Egypt then you can contact me 🙂 I think I’ll still be here by March 🙂
thank you for sharing such private moments in your life…and good luck creating the new memories in your life.
Elena,
You have a wonderful way with your writing – have you ever considered collecting your writings and getting published? Fantastic site! Good luck on your journeys. Passion is what overtakes fear!
Thank you for such a wonderful compliment .. it’s humbling to read such comments.. I’m really not that good, you know.. it’s all just an illusion : )
Someday, when I travel through more journeys, get better at writing and living, maybe someone will think that those notes of a crazy lady might be of some interest to a wider audience and perhaps even make me an offer, but until then I’ll just keep walking.. with my heart and eyes wide open..
Thank you so much for your belief in my work, it’s potential and your encouragement.. it means a lot to me.
love & light
el
ps – I absolutely LOVE your “passion is what overtakes fear” saying! So beautiful and so real..
Beautiful and very well-written! I don’t have any issues with my mom but I listened to a lot of gypsy (I used to say Roma!) music after reading your post. It reminded me of my years in the Balkans. And for that I am very thankful.
super duper like post! 🙂
I miss my mama….. 😦
Thank you!
I think photos are a great way to remind yourself of moments we had & people shared them with.. our minds sometimes forget..
I’m looking forward to reading yours too..
ps – I love the fact that you’re a chef ..
You totally got me El! I even called my own sweet but crazy mom today for the first time in a long while. LOVE the pictures – they say so much…good luck girl!
ok, this is the BEST compliment!! So proud of you!! : )
looking forward to hearing more from you.
love & light!
what a beautiful post. Well done for taking that step and turning back to you mum, it must be so hard! Don’t let the fear get to you and keep a smile on your face!!
oh and thanks for checking out my blog…travelling to Kenya alone is a pretty scary thought!!!
Thank you Gemma,
It only seems hard .. ; )
Kenya is a wonderful country and very safe.. people will go out of their way to help you.
love & light
el
Beautiful post…I hope your journey back to Turkey is a pleasant one and that you get to reconnect with your mother.
Great articles, while I did not travel as much as you I too have great childhood memories. We should count ourselves lucky because not everyone does. Enjoy your trip.
this is a beautiful entry
This is a nice blog! You have great pictures, and a way with words. 🙂 I hope your travels go well. I’ve always loved flying except takeoffs and landings. Maybe we could exchange travel tips once in a while. 🙂 XOXO
To feel the fear and to face fear inspite of it, is what courage is. So you are very courageous. This is a journey that is very important to you, not just a travel destination, and I wish the very best for you and your mom. Forgiveness and love… how can you go wrong with these in your heart. I am sure happiness awaits you.